It all started with a question… “Who do you need to forgive?”
We were at least a few days into World Race Training Camp and the director of the World Race, Bill Swan, had just spoken a word to us on forgiveness. He had pointed out the harsh reality that if we can’t forgive others, God will not forgive us (Matthew 6). He also pointed out the destructive nature of unforgiveness, reminding us that unforgiveness is often times most harmful to the one holding onto it.
In all honesty, I didn’t think this message really applied to me. I knew that one of my top spiritual gifts I walked in is mercy. I knew that unforgiveness had never been an issue for me. It just never made sense to me. Like no matter how bad you hurt me, what good is me not forgiving you going to do? The answer is nothing obviously. So I’ve just always opted to forgive and it’s been great. So even though I don’t feel like I really need to hear this message, I’m taking notes and paying attention. Then at the end, Bill gives us time to go to God in prayer and ask him a couple questions:
• “Who do I need to forgive?”
• “What do I need to do?”
I thought to myself, “Well I don’t think there’s anyone in my life that I haven’t forgiven, but you never know. Maybe God will reveal someone to me that I unknowingly have held in unforgiveness. I’ll go ahead and ask Him.” I close my eyes and as quick as I can ask the question of “Who do I need to forgive?”, I receive a response, “Yourself.” I said, “Myself? For what God?” God then reminded me of a season in my life as a Christian that I was overwhelmingly ashamed of:
See, I’ve only been following Christ as my Lord and Savior for about 3.5 years. And one of the main reasons I came to Christ is because I saw a Christian in my life that represented something I wanted. This guy walked in purity through and through. It was something unusual to me because in general I had associated Christians with hypocrisy, but there was none to be found in this guy. So when I came to Christ, I decided in myself that I was going to be an example just like him to the world that Christians are not hypocrites. This plan was going good til about a year ago when life and sin got the best of me and I then struggled off and on with old patterns and behaviors from myself prior to following Christ. While God redeemed me from that season, I’ve often looked back on that season with so much regret and shame, feeling like a total failure. I felt like I couldn’t even preach freedom in Christ anymore because I knew that there was a season of my life that I didn’t walk in freedom. I had yet to forgive myself for this season of life.
Then the next question popped into my head and I asked God, “What do you want me to do?” Once again, as quick as I asked the question He answered saying, “Full confession.” I knew exactly what He meant. See while God had redeemed me from that season of life and while I was no longer walking in old behaviors/mindsets and sin, and while I knew I was forgiven, I had never confessed that season in full to anyone. God immediately brought the verse from the book of James to my heart, “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” That’s when I realized that I had repented and been forgiven, but I had not been healed. I immediately went to one of the staff members of Adventures in Missions, who also happened to be my Squad Leader, and I gave him a full confession of that season and received prayer from him. The confession was hard. It was uncomfortable. It even caused me to lower my stature a bit as shame came on me all the more now that he knew about that season. But then healing came…
Alex, my squad leader, looked at me with compassionate eyes, and I could literally feel the mercy of God extended to me through him. I could tell that he didn’t think any different of me at all because of my past mistakes. I could tell that he knew the real me that God sees. He then proceeded to offer me some words of exhortation and prayed for me. I went back to my seat full of joy, knowing that I was healed and knowing that that season absolutely does not define me. I knew exactly who I was. I know exactly who I am. And I’m not that guy who did those things.
Going into that evening, I had absolutely no idea that I needed to forgive myself. But God did. It’s amazing how time and time again He shows us that He knows our heart far better than we do. I truly can’t describe how much more free I feel after confessing. It’s as if this whole time, my soul and my spirit had been waiting for that moment so that I could finally move on and own my true identity. It’s as if until I brought that season into the light, it was being used against me to shame me and keep me in a place of believing that that is who I am even though I knew it wasn’t. Confession —> Prayer —> Healing. I have officially learned that you can be totally forgiven and have totally repented, but unless you confess, the healing does not come.
I am SO THANKFUL for Bill’s message on forgiveness. I am SO THANKFUL for God shepherding me and guiding me to the thing my soul and spirit most needed — confession. I am SO THANKFUL for Alex being a vessel of mercy, compassion, truth, and love at a time that I needed all of those so bad.
I now can confidently say that I am TOTALLY HEALED and there is no one I have unforgiveness toward, not even myself. ?
ENCOURAGEMENT FOR THE READER: If during your time reading this blog you sensed that you might be carrying unforgiveness toward yourself or someone else, I’d encourage you to go to God and ask the two questions Bill had me ask: “Who do I need to forgive?” And “What do I need to do?”. Then I’d encourage you to do whatever God says. If you need to forgive yourself, I do strongly encourage you to find someone who loves you and knows the real you and confess to them what you won’t forgive yourself for. If you need to forgive someone else, this may involve you talking to them or it may not, God will make this known to you. But trust me on this, if you want to experience true freedom, FORGIVENESS IS ESSENTIAL, and I URGE you to choose forgiveness. If you would like to confess to me or simply talk to me about any unforgiveness you are struggling with, please feel free to reach out!
Thanks for taking the time to read my blog! I’m typically more of a video guy but I felt like God said to write this one so I hope you enjoyed it.
Please follow along with me on the World Race! I would love to journey with you and the launch date is right around the corner, so be sure to go to my blog (ryanokeefe.theworldrace.org) and click subscribe for updates. It’s going to be awesome!
Blessings on you! I love you very much and Jesus does too! Be well!
#AsYouGoChristianity #LoveAsYouGo #YayGod! #WorldRace2018 #11in11 #OSquad #Forgiveness
