Nobody ever told me life on the race was going to be easy. In all reality, it is very hard. With that said, it’s worth everything.
It is hard to believe that today is our 39th day on the race. In these 39 days: I have been tested more than I ever have before, been more uncomfortable than I ever have before, I have trusted more than I ever have before, felt more broken than I ever have before, been more dependent than I ever have before, felt his presence more than I ever have before, seen the Holy Spirit move more than ever before, been more vulnerable than I ever have before, and seen places in the world that I never have before.
I feel like I have grown more spiritually the last 38 days than I did the last 2 years and I am starting to see that Jesus brings us to places of brokenness, abandonment, and discomfort so He can work in areas He only can when we are there. With that growth however, there comes a price, and some days the struggle can be quite real.
I dont think there is a day that has gone by on the race where I would say I was completely comfortable. For this month in Botswana, the heat has a lot to do with that. The high temperature each day ranges from about 100-105 degrees and since we are in the middle of the African desert, rain is unheard of. The fact that we walk about 2-3 miles each day in the mid day heat combined with no AC in the house, makes sweating a 24/7 ordeal.
Another area that has been a struggle is living on a very tight team budget. As I sit here, I try and picture what my life back home would look like if I had $4.30 cents a day for food, $1.00 for transportation, and $5 dollars for lodging. I definitely don’t think I would get to far in Atlanta with that. So why is it that the majority of the world seems to get by just fine living on even less than we are right now? Although I may not get everything I want each day, the fact that I am still living and breathing quite well shows that I am definitely get everything I need.
The final area I will talk about and probably the most difficult is learning how to live in community. I have lived alone for the last 7 years so learning how to live with 7 complete strangers has had its growing pains. Day by day you have to wake up and put the needs of 6 others above you and love them just the way God made them. Although this has been difficult so far, I am so excited for the growth we are beginning to experience and I wouldn’t want to be doing life with anybody else.
The walls I have built up my entire life around being comfortable are beginning to come down and God is showing me that life is about loving people and relationships, not comfort. Although comfort may be nice, it is not necessary to do either.
I love how David cries out to the Lord throughout the psalms and I have started each day by reading one. I am finding myself in Davids shoes and trying to let go of my control- finding my security in Jesus, and Jesus alone. Our relationship with the Father was never meant to be easy. In fact it can become quite challenging as we allow Him to invade more areas of our life. When we cling to old ways and sameness, we resist the work He is trying to do within us. While I am not there yet, I am taking up my cross daily and dying to myself- releasing everything to Him.
“Do not fear change, for I am making you a new creation, with old things passing away and new things continually on the horizon.”
