Technically, I’ve been learning to be content with my life and what I’m doing…for a long time. Like…at least 5 years.
“The grass has always been greener on the other side” it seems like; the side that I can’t even see. (so wait…how does that work?) How do I even know that it’s greener over there if I can’t see it?
So how do you be content with the ‘side’ you’re on? It may not be the ‘greenest’ side, or you may not think it’s the ‘greenest’ side…but you know what…it might actually be ‘greener’ than that other side that’s only in your dreams. Make sense? You just don’t know. (Unless you go and explore every other possible ‘side’ there is on this planet.)
All that to say, that I am quietly battling a little contentment issue right now. Nothing big at all, but I’m slowly learning to be content and at peace with what my team and I are doing right now.
We’re volunteering at a couple schools just helping out…some of us are volunteering at a hospital for mentally and physically disabled people. Three of us have been taking some Spanish lessons. (I personally have been working at the hospital MWF for a little while. I just finished a weeks worth of Spanish lessons yesterday. And am working at a school teaching English to kindergarteners and 1st graders and helping out) Those things are all well and good, but part of me can’t help but wonder (as I find myself wondering a lot) if we should somehow be doing more.
I keep subconsciously comparing our team to the team that is working in the Nicaraguan dumps. They are doing the kind of mission work that ‘you’ want to see missionaries doing. (and I use ‘you’ generally. I’m not implying anything or judging anyone) You know what I mean? They are in the dumps (literally) working with the poorest of the poor. Ministering and sharing Jesus with people who apparently have to depend on the dump somehow for survival. I’m talking about the people who really NEED Jesus to survive through life!
Then I look at what me and my team are doing. We’re in a really nice city; eating out from time to time, being able to jump on the internet whenever we’re free. I would call it a monetarily rich city. (especially for Guatemala) And we are just volunteering at places and taking Spanish classes. And I can’t help but feel sometimes like what we’re doing isn’t good enough. Ya know? Like it doesn’t measure up to what that other team is doing, or doesn’t measure up to…some peoples expectations back home. (I can’t think of any people personally, but I’m sure there are such people out there; whether I know them or not)
BUT…the thing that I am currently learning and becoming at peace with is that I’m pretty confident that even though I sometimes ‘feel’ like what we are doing isn’t good enough…it is what God wants us doing right now. That’s hard to swallow sometimes because I really want to be doing some ‘real’ ministry: like ministering to the people in the dumps. I want to be doing something that I feel is worthwhile. However, I really believe that volunteering at these places and doing Spanish lessons and all that we are doing right now, really is what we are supposed to do this month. And who am I to indirectly say or think that God isn’t using us here? I’m seeking after God everyday and praying that He will use me every single day. And according to John 15:4, (paraphrased slightly) “If I remain in Him, He will remain in me.” So, since I’m remaining in him and seeking after him, what I’m doing now, here in Antigua must be what God wants me to be doing right now. Right?
I’m also just coming to terms with the fact that this just isn’t about what ‘I want’. Not at all. I want that other ministry…where I think the grass is greener. But God wants me right here where I am…and seriously, how could anything be greener than where God has put me?
