In God’s Timing…

In God’s Timing:

So today I watched the movie called, “The Holiday.” I know, I know it’s a chick flick, but last night I was feeling pretty down and homesick so I wanted to watch a movie that would hopefully cheer me up. So I started looking at the movies I had on my hard drive on my computer and prayed to God asking him what movie I should watch. I prayed that God would lead me to a movie to watch that He would speak to me through. I know this may sound strange to some, but I love how God speaks to me through movies. I often ask him to guide me to watch the movie that he wants me to watch. I love saying a quick silent prayer in my heart before watching a movie asking God to speak to me through it! It’s so amazing how God can speak to us through anything when we take the time to really look for him and listen to him.

So as I was looking over all of my movies, I kept feeling an internal/gut feeling to watch the movie “The Holiday.” I have never seen the movie before and didn’t have a real reason to want to watch it (besides the fact that I secretly kind of like romantic comedies and chick flicks) but I felt for some reason that I was supposed to watch it. I figured it probably wasn’t my normal type of a movie and it was probably a movie about people hooking up with one another, but deep down hoped it would be a movie about love that God would speak to me through and inspire me through

I know some may be laughing or thinking I’m crazy that I pray about what movies to watch or even have wrote about all of this so far, but this is how I am so welcome to the inside of the way I think and the way I live, welcome to my life!

So I started the movie. As I watched through the movie, I was correct about the type of movie I thought it would be. I started to wonder why the heck God would lead me to watch this movie….I ended up falling asleep around 3 quarters of the movie being finished and feeling like I totally heard God wrong about the feeling of how I was supposed to watch this movie.

As I woke up today, I was again kind of down and just in a grumpy mood. I have been struggling with worrying about the future a lot this week for some reason and I was just not having a great day. I have been in a rut with thinking thoughts of why the heck am I on the race. I’m 27 years old, what am I doing with my life. Most of my friends have great jobs and make good money. Most of my friends are either engaged or already married. What am I doing here traveling the world and where is my life going?

I must admit, I am now ashamed of these thoughts because I am so blessed and amazed with the life that God has called me to. But I always want to be real and honest with my blogs. I want to share where I am at and what I am going through. These are thoughts that I have had this week. I know they are dumb thoughts and lies just trying to distract me from my real reason and purpose of me being on the race, but they are thoughts that I have lingered on while being somewhat homesick and down the past couple of days.

After we returned from ministry this morning where we got to meet some people who run a drug rehab center I surprisingly decided to finish watching “The Holiday.”

As I continued to linger in my worry some thoughts and feeling somewhat down about wondering where my life is going and what my life will be like when I get home, I thought about a man I met today named Arnold. He is 28 and has found true hope in Jesus Christ. He is fighting to live a drug free life without heroin. He has given his life to Jesus and is turning his life around with the life of Christ within him. He admitted though that sometimes he gets down and feels like he has no hope for his future. He doesn’t have a job because some people don’t trust him because of his past with his drug problem. He explained that sometimes he gets really sad and does not know what God will use his life for. But he said He knows everything will be all right in the end, even if now they are hard.

Arnold is a new person and has new life in Christ! He has true hope, but yet he does still struggle at times with life. Life is hard at times and sometimes we go through struggles and trials that we can’t explain or answer for. I connect a lot with Arnold. My whole life I have struggled with depression. Sometimes I am sad, and I just don’t really know why or have a good reason for it.  I am learning that it’s okay to struggle and that sometimes we need to sit in our struggles to really find and discover the Hope that Jesus gives us through our struggles.

So when Arnold struggles with what his future may be, and I get down because of worry some thoughts I have about not knowing where I will go, what I will do, or if I will ever get married when I return home – Arnold and I both will remember the hope that we have in Jesus Christ. The hope that walks with us through this life and the hope that catches us when we fall. The hope of Jesus Christ that picks us up when we struggle and when we think depressing thoughts and feelings.