Changed Through The Journey…
The Lord spoke to me in a powerful way last month while in Costa Rica and said,
“The World Race is the Adventure, but Jesus is the Journey.”
Through out my time in squad leading God has been talking to me about the importance of the change within. He has been showing me that has a pastor, mentor, leader, and friend…that If I am not being changed within by his love and presence for myself personally in my day to day life, than how could I ever help lead others to a change. Last month in Costa Rica was a month of being brought back to the basics of being with Jesus…Last month was a month of a lot of heart work with God speaking into deep places within me.
I started off my month with a team being deep in the jungle and mountains of Costa Rica. Let’s just say that we were pretty much in the middle of no where. We were working in the jungle every day helping the pastor prepare the ground to build a church on top of a beautiful hill in the middle of the forest. Wow, it felt good to work hard with my hands and just be in nature to reflect, process, and hear from the Lord. There was no wifi around, not many things to do to entertain yourself, and after a long work day, I looked forward to resting in my hammock spending time with the Lord after being exhausted from working hard. As I sat there in my hammock resting (hammock’s are essentia for the world race lol) I listened, and God began to speak.
I started to get a nudge of a feeling that my future plans were going to be changing. I wasn’t sure what this meant, but I suddenly did not have a peace about going to Mozambique Africa with Iris Ministries after squad leading, but I didn’t know why…
After being in the jungle for about a week in a half, I traveled about 5-6 hours near the capitol of Costa Rica, San Jose. I stayed with a team who was working at a church helping in different ways. They did a painting project all month painting in the sanctuary and also mudded walls in the basement for building a kitchen. The first night that I got there we had a group meeting where I was checking in with the team to see and hear how they were doing. As we went around and I heard from every person, they then asked me how I was doing. As an external processor and as someone who always want to exemplify leadership as being vulnerable, authentic, open, and real, I started to share that I was having a bit of a struggle discerning my future. I told them how I met Heidi Baker this past summer and was so sure that I was supposed to go to Mozambique right after squad leading to work and learn from her and her ministry. As I shared with the group the Lord started to move…
I shared with them that I was not sure why, but I suddenly didn’t have a peace about going and that I kept getting this feeling that it’s time for me to go home. As I shared the Lord showed me that I still struggle a bit with the fear of disappointing him. I shared that I am scared to disappoint and fail God and that I’m scared that I’m just wimping out because I don’t want to go. I also shared that so many friends and people that I know have donated to me for this cause to go and think that this is an opportunity of a life time that I cannot pass up on. Then the Lord nailed me with what he said.
My friend from the squad who is so gentle, loving, and kind softly spoke up. She said, “Ryan, I feel like the Lord is putting something on my heart to share with you. Ryan, your life for the past three years have been missions of traveling all around the world and I think the Lord is changing your plans because it would actually take more faith for you to return home than to travel to Africa, that it would actually be scarier for you to go home because you are used to traveling and doing missions, but you don’t know whats next when you return home.”
Wow this nailed me! As I reflected and prayed about this, I believe the Lord showed me that he is continuing to uproot the people pleaser inside of me. He showed me that I was ready to return home, yet the only thing that was preventing me from making this decision was what I thought everyone else expected of me and wanted from me with going to work with Heidi and Iris Ministries.
But then the Lord softly and gently yet lovingly said to me, “Ryan, are you going to put your trust and confidence in what others say about you, or what I say about you? Are you going to put your trust and confidence in what others want you to do, or what I want you to do?”
Again, this was a heart check and a reality check. The Lord has been taking me deeper into resting as a son and having my confidence and signifigance in Him instead of striving to earn his or others approval.
As I traveled to my third and final team of Costa Rica I made my decision. I decided to rely and depend on what I believe God is saying now, rather than depending on what I thought he said in the past and what I think people expect and want from me. So with much humility in facing my fear of people pleasing and failure, I talked to Iris Ministries and explained that I will not be coming wih them to Mozambique, Africa in June anymore because of the Lord changing my heart and plans. I shared that I believe the Lord did bless me to meet Heidi Baker for a very important and special reason, but that I also believe I was trying to force me working with her in my timing and my way.
Whew…even as I type this I feel so much peace….
At the end of our month in Costa Rica, we brought the entire squad together for a “Leadership Training Weekend.” Basically it was a week that was similar to a retreat. Myself along with my two other co- squad leaders were in charge of planning it and doing it. It was a weekend of rest, teachings, worship, and one on one’s checking in and speaking into the lives of O squad.
As I was preparing for my talk, I felt like the Lord laid the title of the talk on my heart to be, “The Source”
As I was preparing and praying for the talk, that’s where the Lord hit me with this word and reminded me of the true importance for the reason of the season that I am livig for. Once again He spoke this…
“The World Race is the Adventure, but Jesus is the Journey.”
God reminded me that the more I allow him to take me deeper into relationship with him and the more I allow him to do the continued heart work that He wants to do in me…then the more he will change me by his love and Spirit. He then reminded me that the more I allow Him to change me from within, then the more He will be able to use me to change others.
So this is the heart of what He has been doing in me, reminding me of the true source of my significance and bringing me back to just allowing myself to be loved by Him as His son.
I feel very blessed to have seen the fruit of the Spirit of the Lord working and movig through my talk in the squad’s lives. I believe that there was so much fruit because by HIS GRACE I allowed him to first work in me!
“We can’t lead others where ourselves first have not been.”
Here are two powerful testimony’s of God working in two radical men’s hearts and lives that is changing them from within through the journey. The first one is a friend who works at Adventures in Missions named Evan who explains how the Lord used the World Race to awaken him to his destiny and life in Christ! The other one is a rapper who God has used to inspire thousands. The end of his testimony was what inspired my talk at the retreat and the work of always staying close to the true source of my significance!
Wherever you are at in this journey of life,
know that it’s never to late for God to work in you and through you!
Update: I am currently in Honduras. I have been with an amazing family who has 14 foster children and who started a ministry called “Legacy of Hope.” I am leaving today to travel 5 hours to the capitol of Honduras to spend the next two weeks with two more separate teams. Please pray for clarity as we are making many big decisions this month, one being who the raised up squad leaders will be to take our place when we leave. We will be announcing them at the end of the month and then will spend the next month in Guatemala training them. I will then be saying goodbye to the squad on May 31st as they travel to Thailand, but I will stay an extra week in Guatemala to spend time to rest, reflect, and pray about my time squad leading while spending great quality time with my friends from Adventures in Missions who live there.
Thank you for all of your prayers and support. Wherever you are in this journey of life…
remember that life itself is the great adventure, but Jesus is the true journey of why we are alive!
God Bless you all,
Ryan
