Hello all you readers! I come bringing some bittersweet news but I believe it comes from a heart listening to God. I will be returning home from my World Race.
Over the past several weeks in Romania and Ukraine I cyclically have been very ill with fever, chills, muscles aches, sweating, extreme fatigue, abnormal breathing pains in my chest, and being bed ridden. I have done all the things necessary to try to get myself better by going to a local doctor, taking medicine, praying, resting, but I still am having symptoms. I have been sick every month on the Race so far and I have felt so at peace and okay with it and never once gave it a second thought. In fact, I didn’t even take medicine or go to a doctor till now. This sickness came on very different and persistent over a long period of time. I was going to check into a clinic but something told me there wasn’t right about. After personal prayer and consideration from my doctors back home, friends and family who are in Christ, I decided that I should go home to be checked by my physicians before continuing any further. Although I wanted my return home to be temporary to get myself better and then be back on the field, in all of this, God was and is still doing something more.
After coming to the decision to return home and get my health tended to properly to rule out any serious sickness before heading into Africa, in that moment I just knew in my spirit that my World Race was over. Like a rushing wind in my spirit I felt it. The same spirit I felt when signing up for the race. My coming home is not solely about my sickness but the sickness being instrumental in bringing me home permanently for Gods purposes and timing. I know and trust that I hear God’s voice. At times I have questioned it and I have questioned myself in my response to it. Yes sickness and frustration play into emotions and rash decisions are made out of emotion. Rest assured, I would not just flippantly return home from one of the greatest experiences of my life on a whim of sickness or emotion. I know that is not who I am. But I know that still small voice that speaks to me with power and strength. Since I have been saved as a little boy I know this voice and it is still the same. In my life I have tried to show boldness in obeying what God tells me to do even when it doesn’t make sense to me, anyone else, or if it makes me look foolish and weak. This one thing I do know. There is a blessing that follows obedience even if we don’t see it right away or even in this lifetime. I have experienced that blessing before and it is good. If the World Race has taught me anything it has taught me to always listen and follow the voice of God in the face of fear, questions, and the unknown and to be bold and take steps of faith. It is not about being right or wrong, but life and death. I know that obedience brings life and disobedience brings death.
But Samuel replied: "Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.” 1 Samuel 15:22
I will be honest and admit it in my moments of sickness I was wrestling with God in my spirit. I knew this was God bringing me home permanently for His reasons. In my heart and Spirit there has been a holy stirring and burning fire in me for home for God to move in a mighty way in my places of influence. I love being here across the world living life and serving God and I don’t want to leave. But I could continue on through sickness, service, ministry, and give all sorts of sacrifices overseas but if I am not doing what Gods desires I am not living in the fullness of what He has for me. I really believe God has ordained all of this and he has a ministry and a plan for me to be faithful with within my family, friends, and community at home. It’s like that song Blessed Be Your Name, “you give and take away, my heart will choose to say, blessed be your name”. God gave me something so wonderful in the World Race for five months, now he is taking it away and that’s okay. Sometimes the things God uses us to minister in are the hardest to let go of. Just as we do in our lives, in ministry we should be always prepared to move as God moves. It’s because of Him we have grace and this ministry of Christ and it is all about His glory. Still, I have no regrets, fear, or insecurity about anything from time abroad. I know I gave my all to the Lord faithfully for 5 months. I hope in every season of my life till I die I can honestly and unashamedly say that. I know I am anchored in the Lord.
In making this decision I have faced in my heart many emotions. I know from experience that transition can be hard, if not just for you but for others. It would be extremely selfish of me to say that everyone should be happy and feel good about everything. There have been many tears and questions from those I love and those that have loved me on my squad and teams. I welcome all those things with love and humility as Christ has instructed us too. I want there to be peace and unity in the Spirit even if there is disagreement or sadness in the present. I know that most of that sadness and disagreement comes from a place of love and a desire to be together. I can tell you, in all of this they have supported me and trusted me and that kind of love is what makes the body of Christ a powerful thing to be a part of. But loving one another through trial is a true test and measure of character in the Christians heart. Now, before, and after this, I am honored to say I know and have lived with some seriously awesome Christians who passed this test well.
I look through the Bible and there were many things that God asked people to do that didn’t make sense in mans eyes. I knew before the Race for some reason that Eastern Europe would be very challenging and something would happen there. I did NOT expect the reality of what it would look like. But I know God is in control and it is in His timing. It might not be what I think is normal or right but I want what God wants. In the past he has wanted schools I didn’t like, surgeries I didn’t want, jobs that were awesome, relationships that were challenging, and then the awesomeness of the World Race for me. All of them had led me into his divine purpose for me in who I am becoming as a child of God. Now I am learning to want this next thing He is leading me into because it is what he wants. It has all been for a purpose and has shaped me in becoming the man of God I desire to be, one who walks, listens, and moves with God. To be a man who is truly faithful, truly loving, truly putting his hope in the Lord. I have prayed this scripture over this situation and more pertinently my life….
Proverbs 19:21
“Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”
To those at home I look forward to getting to healthy and sharing the fire and investment God has set in my heart these past 5 months for me to be passionate for the cause of Christ and to love all with the power of the Holy Spirit. To all my supporters I am forever humbled and thankful for your prayers, finances, and love. You have modeled to me what I hope to do one day when I have the opportunity to give support others. I will miss many things from the World Race community and will write a follow up blog to this one diving into more detail of what I have learned and grown in. To all my WR brothers and sisters, I hope God continues to bless and use you in mighty ways on your continued journey and race. As much as I want to be with you I want what God wants for me. I know that you desire the same. We all run the same race, just in different places. I will still be running beside you in prayer and in love back at home. Please know that this is not goodbye, but “just see ya later.” Whether it is in this life if you want to come down south on a food tour or in heaven where will be together again. So everybody, “give me a D!!!” … that’s it”. 🙂 (A little inside I know.) More to come soon. Much love.
Stand on the Truth, Walk in the Light, and Rest in His Love,
Ryan Michael Miller
