Doing ministry at a boys home has been amazing and the love these boys have just blows me away. One of the boys named Teera was drawn to me for some reason. Playing and spending countless hours with him over the past week or so; words cannot express. Growing up my father was there, but abandonded me emotionally and spiritualy. It was tough not really having a father being there when I needed him. By spending all this time with Teera an interesting thought came to my mind, am I a father? The way he looks at me, hugs me, longs for that attention, and the way he loves me. He won’t spend time with others on my team or team relentless. There is something about me that drew him to me or vise versa. At his age every boy needs his father to hold, love, play, rough house on occasion, read stories and scripture over, and pray with and over him. Teera needs this and he is coming to me for it. I am not ready for this; I don’t want to be a father (at least not yet, helps to have a wife first.)
I have no idea what it means or looks like to be a father. Growing up I never got what every child needs from his father. As a kid I looked up to my brother for father things. Example being throwing a football around and spending quality time with me. Later in life it was from my youth pastror in jr. high. He taught me to feed myself spiritualy and to pray. I did this with Teera in church, he wanted me to read him a story, so I read him about David and prayed over him what I thought it was telling me.
Spending quality time, praying over him, rough housing on occasion, playing with him, and giving attention to him; is this what being a father looks like? I am not even close or even ready to be a father. The Lord is showing me and preparing my heart to be an amazing father to my child. I know our Heavenly Father does this for his children. Jesus knows what is best for us. Will I let my heart be like this when I am a father? The Lord tells me now, yes, in fact you are a father figure to Teera and will be that man of God and father to your kids.
By being a father figure to Teera it’s reminding me of what I should be doing for my nephew. I regret not being there more during the past three years. With this thougth, I feel I am turning into more of what my dad did; I do not want to do that. Teamate told me that this is a mirror for me. The Lord is giving me this mirror and showing me what it means to be a son. Let me be this son of the Most High and father figure to Teera!
Teera and I
