Let me try and sum up what God's been doing in my life these past two months without developing carpal tunnel syndrome or something ;)……
This summer i had the opportunity to spend two weeks in Slovakia teaching conversational english at a camp run by a ministry called Josiah Venture in partnership with the local church. I completely fell in love with the people and the culture there, and was so sad to leave knowing that i would probably never return. Even still, i came home. After a few days days of rest and a few loads of laundry, I jumped in one of four vans loaded with volunteers, students, and gear headed up to Joplin, Missouri. We would be there for five days helping out with disaster relief efforts there.
Since I was going to be gone for nearly a month, i went ahead and got a jumpstart on my fundraising for the race! I sent out a TON of support letters, and forked out a good chunk of change to print t-shirts that i had designed to sell to raise awareness/support. A few days before we left for Slovakia, i began feeling a little discouraged about leaving with my squad in January. Considering the timing of things, I just assumed it was satan attacking right before we left to go do God's work.. so i just pushed it out of my mind. I had huge expectations for the next two weeks, and just knew that after two weeks overseas i would be even more stoked about leaving for eleven months! However, that was not the case. After I returned home, that uneasiness only grew stronger. So, i prayed about it. I was more than willing to pick up my life and spend eleven months in foreign countries if that was where God wanted me, but i needed a peace about it. But, that peace never did come…. not until i made my final decision to withdraw completely from the world race.
While i have had complete peace about my decision, i've still been a little bummed and a little confused by it all. bummed because i realized that i would never get to meet the teammates that i had started to grow so close with. confused because just a few months ago i had full faith that this was where God wanted me…. all of the details had fallen into place so perfectly that i could only believe it was all orchestrated by the Lord. So, why would He call me away from it? I guess, if anything, i'm more able to relate to Abraham in Genesis 22! Maybe God was just testing my faith? my willingness to obey his commands?
I don't have all of the answers, or any really.. but i do have faith that i am currently right where God wants me. In early august i received a phone call from Nick, one of our youth pastors, asking if i would be willing to help out with two small groups until i left in January. After spending time with these precious girls, i could not IMAGINE leaving them halfway through the school year! And, remember in my first blog? when i wrote that the place i've been working was closing right before i left for the race? Well, the day after i made my final decision not to go, i received word that we were no longer closing in december! And earlier, when i said i was sad knowing that i would probably never get to see my new friends in slovakia? Well, two weeks from today i will be boarding a plane headed back to Europe! and there is a HUGE possibility that i will be returning again, next summer!
Needless to say, I still don't fully understand God's purpose for this situation, and i very well may never understand. but i'm learning that I can't.. i wasn't intended to. and i don't need to. I just need to trust…. to put full faith in the fact that God knows exactly what He's doing.
