Just this last Saturday I graduated from college. It is hard to believe. World on the other side of graduation is something I only saw as a bright light, not knowing what this world actually consisted of but knowing it must be better than the tunnel i was going through at that present tense.
Now… It has only been 5 days since graduating… So it is still a little hard to make out what is around me, but some things have appeared much quicker than I was ready for them to. For example, where I am headed to next.
This post isn’t about that.
This post is about the tunnel. That dark semester that I just trudged my way through. While I was in the tunnel, I was really struggling with what tense to be in. I knew what needed to happen before i was done with the semester and into that light. But, I needed to prepare for what was going to see around me when that light faded.
I know blogging gets artsy fartsy sometimes… So i’m going to cut the metaphor crap.
I was over college. Done. This semester was so incredibly rough because I had no more motivation to try. I’m not saying it was right, I went by doing the bare minimum. It was a battle every day to remember how important it was to continue throughout the day and try to write papers or do well on tests.
So. The act of trying to graduate was my present tense. It was hard to be in because it sucked. But… The near future tense (what I do after I graduate) and the further future tense (the world race) also required attention DURING my present tense.
These things were sometimes exciting to think about, but often intimidating to think about. I would often think of the verse most of us know:
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
and I was thinking, well yeah that is great but I need to be responsible in the present tense regarding the future tense or I wont have anything lined up for after school, or I will be behind in support raising.
This is one of those examples where we look at one verse and we take it out of context 😛 I’ve heard it said that when you see a “therefore” in the Bible… you need to find out “what it is there for”.
SO looking back..we see
Matthew 6:33 “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow…
Looking back at my semester, I can honestly say that I let the dark tunnel affect my future judgement. I think when it came to my future, I didn’t seek the Lord enough directly and straightforward enough. In this way I also didn’t seek first His Kingdom or Righteousness. I got tunnel vision. With one goal in mind. Accomplish some stuff for the world race here, apply for some jobs there, and try to scrounge up enough effort to survive the semester.
I did it. I survived. I just know it could have been a more lucid experience. I could have been carrying a lamp or light through the tunnel. It was there, it was hanging on the wall (ya know, like Tomb Raider). I kept my eyes on that bright light on the other side though, and was too concentrated on doing it on my own.
Your word is a lamp to guide my feet
and a light for my path.
Psalm 119:105
We all know that verse too right? Well I wish I would have given it more consideration when I was in the freaking tunnel!
Now that I am on the other side… I believe that God is guiding my steps and helping me make the right decisions. I just think thing would have been more clear to me earlier had I stopped trying so hard to do so many things myself.
With the World Race it really is difficult to be here in this moment, and have such a large task at hand in the future. There are people we are excited to meet, things we are excited to do, people we are excited to love. Yes, not all of these things are even wrong, but it is so difficult to remain in this tense when the future tense is demanding. I guess through these two simple and well known scriptures, I have just been reminded that our source of understanding has to be Him. We can’t start trying too much on our own, or develop tunnel vision. We need to live every day to honor and glorify our King and Father.
I sought after the Lord at times, I’m not saying I was completely in the dark the whole time, but I just know I could have been in a better place. What i do know in THIS present tense though, is that the Lord is always with us regardless, which means after we are in our tunnels He is also on the other side and with his Grace he will guide us even after our periods of darkness. I feel like He would give us a sympathetic, gentle arm over our shoulder… a kind of “I was here all along, and I wanted to help you, and you chose to make it a little more difficult for yourself, but I’m still here and let’s talk about what our next steps our going to be.”
