How dare I question his will?
Since training camp I have had a few trials. I leave everything I’ve ever known in about 70 days to travel the world to go to places I never even fathomed of going to one day. There are so many things in my life that what I could call ‘taxing' on me, tiring, if I didn’t have the personal relationship I have with Christ right now, I would be a giant wreck.
Personal finances are a giant stress right now, yet the Lord is reminding me daily to trust in him and he will provide, and I know he is a faithful God.
When I returned from training camp, about 2 days after I woke up with horrible stomach pains. 3 days later, continual stomach pains randomly day in and day out, other things that come with stomach pains accompanied it as well! Nothing had changed in my diet, I take care of my body, yet I was a mess. 1 week later, nothing different had changed. So I went to the hospital, they could find nothing, no tests, no nothing could find out what was wrong with me. That night as I left at 4 am a man named (we will call him Joe) followed me and my dad out, he asked if we could give him a ride, he thought he was going to be staying the night there yet he was not, The Lord told me to give him a ride home. That night in the car as we spoke, I got to know a little bit more about ‘Joe’, He had an amazing heart and through the past and trials he had come into, he had come to know the Lord. We got to share our hearts on Christ a bit and we both encouraged each other on community and the importance of having an intimate relationship with the Lord. He had mentioned that he had asked 3 or 4 other people for a ride yet no one would, I hope that hope is continually restored in ‘Joe’ because of the Lord using me that night. Over the next 24 hrs, healing had come on my stomach issue. God takes us through trials, puts us in places ALL for his Glory, so that he will be lifted high in all circumstances.
While I was at camp, my mom was admitted into the hospital. When I came home she was back home. Throughout my life she has had many health problems and trials. Through and through I know that the Lord is watching over her, he has her in the palm of his hands and is always loving her.
She went back into the hospital yesterday, as I see her suffering and in pain, I got angry for a while, not at her, but at the Lord. I was crying out to him, telling him I didn’t understand why she has always gone through this. A woman whose heart is sold out for the Lord, a woman of true humility and integrity, who goes through trial after trial.
How quickly I forgot the scripture he had lead me to yesterday morning.
“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the Land of the living.”
Psalm 27:13
Whatever trial David was going through when he wrote this Psalm, he was confident that he would see God’s goodness shine through his circumstance, he was confident that he would overcome the trial and the Lord
would be GLORIFIED.
I asked the Lord for understanding, he spoke directly into my heart.
I question my own heart and my feelings toward the Lord in that moment.
“How can I be angry at him for the trial he is bringing me through when I ask daily for him to make me a man of God, to strengthen my faith and to grow our relationship? HOW DARE I QUESTION HIS WILL?”
James 1:2-5
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
In this moment I realize, his will, will be always be done. Suffering and trials are not for punishment, they are to mature us in our faith, to persevere through hardships, dropping me to my knees to cry out to the Lord to rescue my mom, to rescue me and my family members from pain. He is doing nothing but what I ASKED HIM TO DO. He will be exalted through this! I pray that our relationship grows and he brings me through trials to mature me. These trials are all present for growth, consider it pure joy to face these? I will be joyous Lord because I know you are the stronghold of my life and this situation. I will praise you through this storm.
“Lord I know that you will be glorified through everything, I will lift your name up through my troubles, I am confident I will see your goodness through these trials, you have your hands on my Mom, our rescuer is here, it is you.”
