You may wonder what goes through racers heads two weeks before home…
I’ll speak for myself. Excuse my jumbled thoughts.
I am secretly already missing my team.
We have had a hilarious month.
We find ourselves walking like zombies…
laughing about nothing.
Mindlessly doing as we are told.
Staring into space daydreaming of what may come in 2 weeks.
We looked around last night and just laughed… we realized we
really are sisters.
We are the only team on T-squad that is all girls..
and in the beginning every single one of us claimed that we will
” go home if I am ever on an all girls team.”
We clearly spoke that junk into being.
Recently we have had more fights than ever.
brutal fights…
Then just get over it.
More pranks than ever.
More obnoxious photos than ever.
More prayers than ever.
It’s just been legit.
I would never tell them this: but I am going to miss them so freaking bad.
In two weeks I will say peace out to my sisters.
Even if we tried to remake this year it is absolutely impossible.
What on earth am I supposed to do next?
Opportunity has been banging at my door for 11 months.
But in just a few days it will be “real life” again.
I honestly feel like the sky is the limit.
But at the same time I feel confined already.
All in all, I don’t feel a peace about America for a long period of time.
I refuse to be that girl that “hates America”
because of what she’s seen and experienced.
So, I’m not going to be that girl.
But, I also know that I am called elsewhere.
Africa to be exact.
I have had dreams and visions and prophecies over my life
Telling me exactly where and what to do.
With who and when are the things I am waiting for.
Nothing in me wants to get a mediocre job
and work 9-5 and go home and crash because I’m exhausted.
I want to crash because I’m exhausted from fighting for the oppressed.
fighting for those who have no hope, no reason to exist.
fighting for those who are so fragile that they need my protection.
fighting for those who rarely receive positive human affection,
who are begging for my embrace.
fighting for those who are physically and spiritually starving.
fighting for those who would sleep at the dump if I didn’t pull them under my roof.
I never thought I’d say this but I want to be a soccer mom.
Not the typical American one…
but the type that has so many kids that I can’t remember who goes where when and
every morning packs unrighteous amounts of rice into lunch kits.
That has kids under her roof from all walks of life
all different experiences
but come together as one.
The idea makes my heart race because I finally have a passion that is outside of myself.
It pumps me up.
I know I must plan and prepare for this.. but:
but what am I supposed to do in the meantime?
There’s only so many coffee shops I can take up residency at
and so many janky thrift shops I can buy out.
What good does that do me in the long run.
The world race seriously prepares you for marriage.
Over the top preperation, actually.
Living with 5 others… not just living but with them constantly.
I think I can handle just one.
It’ll feel like a breeze 😉
This seems to be the ideal age to get married.
Three of my best friends are getting married in 2012
and I am not shocked that I am not right there with them…
It’s a longshot to find a dude who wants to get married
and immediately move to Africa and dramatically
pull all the widows, orphans and street boys out of poverty and homelessness
and into our home.
That doesn’t seem ideal for the typical American boy.
What’s brilliant is that it’s not one of the biggest desires of my heart to get married.
I mean yeah it sounds better than a life of celebate nunhood but
I am not planning my life around it.
In my head it sounds thoroughly reachable to just GO.
But then I have the things that hold me up.
Like I’m just a 21 year old child still trying to figure out my identity.
Or where would all the funds come from?
Who would do this crazy thing with me?
I don’t want to hop on the dream too quick and it crash to the ground.
I’m just a mangely little sinner saved by breathtaking grace.
The Lord has blown me up with this desire
and has radically changed this sick heart of mine.
I know he didn’t redeem me and strip me of my sinful identity
Just so I can go back to where I used to reside and do what I used to do.
He has pulled me out of the muck and cleansed me
and I am new and ready to go
but what do I do in the meantime.
Please enlighten me what I should do…
or if there’s something we should do together.. lets do it!
I have no plans.
Just to love my family. And drink coffee.
And do the same thing in Houston
that I want to do in Africa soon enough.
Whats so freakin cool is that the One who breathed the earth into being
has this all in His hands…
So until then, I choose to roll with the punches.
PS this is just a shoutout to my favorite and only older sister Liz who is blowing up the name of Jesus in India. Keep it up you got this Lizard.
