Every single day I die.
Not just a peaceful death in my sleep…
but a brutal sick murder.
that hurts. Really bad.
Jesus calls us to “take up our cross daily”
not once a week at church…
or each summer at camp…
daily.
Some of you may still not understand,
I will put it in simple terms.
Since I am extreme…
If I were not a Christ follower..
I would drink all the time.
I would smoke all day everyday.
I would be in a terrible relationship..
wrapped in everything that comes with a worldly relationship.
I would lie constantly to cover up all those things.
I would have an eating disorder in order to fit the image that is truly deemed as “beautiful.”
I would be obsessed with greed and getting more more more
money, clothes, friends in general, attention, affirmation.
Instantly gratified.
Actually if I am being honest
that was me before I truly knew Christ.
Not to extreme extents of all of those,
but it doesn’t matter.
Life without Christ is worthless.
I was of the world.
I got a dressed up on sunday mornings..
I even led small groups..
I put my hands up at the right time in worship songs.
I could have quoted a ton of verses to anyone who needed to hear them.
I was able to tell anyone and everyone how much Jesus loved them
But when it came to me understanding his love for me…
I had no earthly idea… nor did I want it.
Because that could possibly change the comfort I had in my
sinful identity.
Although my parents brought me up in a pure household
and they poured their lives into us kids..
that didn’t save us..
It all comes down to personal choices.
The Lord has made me extremly extreme…
and passionately passionate.
For years i masked that and applied me extremities and passion
to glorify myself.
I thought it was cool…
because no one including myself realized how sick my heart truly was.
I didn’t know there was more freedom to be had.
I didn’t understand–although I could say it verbatum– that I existed to bring glory to Him.
Now that I understand… I cannot shake it.
I couldn’t run back if I wanted to.
I could attempt at it.. but it wouldn’t last.
To those who were like me…
who have heard the truth but do not want it to change your status…
you don’t want to lose friends
you don’t feel like there is any benefit to living for Christ..
you are fooled.
Satan gets pumped that you have fallen for it.
Living for Christ doesn’t start by the words mumbled from your mouth
at summer camp or at the end of the sermon in church:
“Jesus come into my heart.”
Yes that is the concept…
and the Lord is good
and it is the picture of Jesus coming into your heart….
but surrendering your life is brutally beautiful.
It goes more like this:
“Lord here I am….
I surrender my flesh..
kill it…
and live through me.”
There isn’t a one step prayer process that makes you a “Christian”
I am NOT the judge nor will I try to be…
God is the ultimate Judge and he knows the hearts of his children…
but I just want to point out that is is not supposed to be comfortable
living for him.
If you’re comfortable.. check yourself.
It should feel like a daily massacre.
It is a choice to say Lord I am willing to do things I don’t want to do…
to go places I don’t want to go…
and give up things that are my “identity.”
He doesn’t say hey ruth be my daughter and give me a couple aspects of you.
Think about more earthly terms… when someone has a child…
they look like them and act like their parents.
We are to look and act like our heavenly father.
He says “take up your cross daily”
that means go up and set your cross next to Jesus Christ and die.
Daily.
This isn’t to scare…
He has just as much love and grace as he has righteous anger…
He WANTS his children to run to him…
where He blesses them like you can’t even imagine.
I am not saying all of this to say I have it all together.
Daily I am reminded
to give up this fleshly life.
I sometimes need it to be harsh…
someone to say ruth give it up…
your life is nothing.
Sometimes I fight to get my flesh back…
and he gives it back to me.
Until the next day and I say dangit God i’m sorry..
and he says Ruth get over yourself I’m still here.
I have been called to not only be a martyr but
to encourage other to slay their own flesh daily.
So here I am….
Who’s with me?
