Honeymoon is over.

Moldova is hard. The hardest month yet for sure….. It has kicked me in the face daily. The “honeymoon” stage of the world race is over. I feel like this month I finally realized what I got myself into… and we still have 7 months after this one. I feel as though I am in a tunnel… and for the past 3 months I could easily look back and see the light at the beginning of the tunnel.. it was all so new and fresh. Now I look around and I see nothing. I can’t see the beginning anymore.. and we still have a waaays to go before we see the light in the end of this tunnel.

 

We have been going strong for give or take 120 days by now. Yeah, we have off days and travel days thrown in here and there but ultimately I feel as though my guard is always up. Even when we are “resting” I feel like we are constantly ready to jump up and do something. Constantly on guard because we never know who is going to be around or feeling like we always need to watch our back. I secretly miss those days sleeping in my own bed with my black curtains over the window hiding the sunrays and the smell of mom cooking pancakes… the feeling that I have zero worries in the entire world… that I can rest and feel truly safe and at ease. If you can’t tell I have officially hit that oh so famous “wall” that I have been warned about since training camp. I was in denial about it until this month.

 

We arrived and day one it was hailing/raining/snowing/ any other obnoxious weather you could possibly add into it. Oh, and surprise! Our month consisted of going door to door to “all the houses” in the village. For seriously 14 days straight the weather didn’t lighten up once. Not only that, but I found this month harder than any of the other months to submit to the culture of the church here. Its hard to go from the world race culture of the “holy spirit moving up in hurrrr” to… “super conservative skirts no jewelry women can’t speak” type of setting. Even with the team now that the honeymoon stage is over and we know each other on a deeper level than we ever have and so it’s easy for me to get snappy and just treat them like they’re my siblings… which could be super uplifting or super bad. But turns out me and the Lord wrestled it out and eventually I got over myself. I feel like I am beginning to understand what Jesus means when he tells us to “take up our cross daily.” Unfortunately, it doesn’t just say…”take up your cross” and thats all. It says daily….daily I must get over myself… I am merely a vessel for the Lord. He is so freakin sovereign and never backs down. I’m so glad he doesn’t.

 

 

I feel like Satan was at work hardcore on me this month. There were times where I just wanted to pack my bags and peace out. Temptation overload. Homesick. Uncomfortable. Annoyed. There have been more opportunities than not for defilement. A negative attitude- with the terrible weather and thickness of air in the Church- is way easier than to be optimistic. There is a verse in Luke when Jesus is talking to simon but naturally I stick my name in it to truly get the feel. He says “Ruth, Ruth, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers” (Luke 22:31-32). It puts me at peace knowing that the Satan asks the Lord to mess with us… and he says yeah because he knows that we are strong enough!! It pumps me up knowing that the Lord pours his strength into me… and when I have persevered He doesn’t want me to stop there. He tells me to turn back and share what i’ve learned.

 

 

 

Let’s face it… life punches you sometimes.. even in this fantasy world of the Race it still isn’t always butterflies and rainbows but the Lord is seriously always freakin there waiting for us to realize He is all we need. After the 14 days of the sick weather… I remember just being like freakin Lord please let the sun shine tomorrow. I was desperate. When the weather is gross I feel gross. Dude, can i just say it was the most beautiful day ever? I could hear him laughing and saying all you had to do was ask. His love for us is mindblowing. After that day the sun hasn’t even stopped shining!
                        

 

We are heading to Africa next. I get chills thinking about it. I feel like it’s
a whole different world.. and from what I have heard it sure is. We are going to Swaziland… it is estimated that by 2050 the entire country will have died out. The AIDS epidemic is taking over. The average age of people there is 20 years old. Please please please coat our entire squad in your prayers as we dive into it full force.