It’s midway through the race and I feel as though it’s time I let you in my head a little bit more.
In the past 165 days I have accepted that…
He will provide regardless: I have been absolutely blown away by how the Lord has provided financially for the race. At the beginning my biggest apprehension was that I had to raise THAT much money… turns out I have not once lost sleep over how it would show up. I want to thank every single one of you who has blown me up with support… I wouldn’t be anywhere without you guys. No pun intended. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
That I am blessed with the most amazing family: I feel like I have taken my family for granted
in the past. There were only few times that I took time to stop and think about how blessed I truly am until being on the race. It has hit me hard recently how I should be on my face daily praising the Lord that I have God fearing parents. Looking back my entire life and seeing how my Dad treats my Mom makes me shoot for the stars in a future husband. I will not settle for anything less. Watching my mom has showed me what it looks like to be a God fearing strong woman but at the same time submissive and loving. She trusts my dad with every ounce of her being. What a perfect picture of what the Lord created for marriage. A perfect picture of the Lord and us. Happy Fathers day Pops… wish I was there to buy you another tie to add to your collection 😉
The Lord loves us no matter freakin what: For a good portion of my life I lived in a minor fear that my eternity wasn’t secure. Being a feeler by nature, I only “felt” him at camp and sometimes on Sunday mornings when an awesome song was played. Boy was I missing out. It makes me laugh and halfway nauseas of how I gave Him half of my heart for so long. He has stolen my whole heart and I couldn’t be more thrilled. He has been engraving into my heart that no matter what I do He will never ever love me any less. In my former days this idea would have been a cop out way of going on and doing what I want… but my mindset has been changed and because I now know that he will never ever love me any less… it has the opposite affect on me. The new promise I accepted from Him makes me want to passionately pursue him and everything he has for me instead of pursuing my sick flesh. He loves us… because he loves us… because he loves us. I will never fully comprehend it.
Community is NOT violating: This one is one of my favorites. The world race freaked me out in the beginning… and by beginning I mean until like a month ago. I found it thoroughly violating that you lived in close quarters with people that you did not choose.
That saw your every move…
heard every word….
saw every eye roll….
every time you were or weren’t in the word….
Every tear you cried….
Violating for sure… but the Lord has finally given me a heart for community. He has showed me how freaking important it is. Back in India my team encouraged me to take a day to myself and journal out all the junk in my heart… boy was there a ton. I sat in a room for 7 hours and wrote like there was no tomorrow. I wrote 32 pages of idols (things/people) I have let into my heart that ultimately broke it. It was a super sucky place to be but at the same time it was one of those times where I felt like I grabbed the Lords hand and took him to all those places I had never let him go… the entire time he was just wiping my tears and saying Ruth you’re forgiven over and over again. I never would have experienced that intimacy with my Creator if I didn’t have the community to point out the sickness of my heart and force me to deal with it. It absolutely killed me at the time I could say that I hated my team (love y’all) for forcing me…. But I would be no where near where I am now if I didn’t have 5 pairs of eyes on me 24-7. I love me some community.
A “Home Team” is absolutely necessary in the life of Ruth Wilson:
I love people. I’m thorough people person. I could sit and watch people all day long… and I do. I love how people interact. I love figuring out why people do what they do… wear what they wear… interact the way they interact. If I could I would sit around in a coffee shop all day long holding a book and just watch those around me. I know the Lord has blessed me with this love for people but I feel as though I have abused it in the past. My pool has been super big but super shallow if you will. I have friends all over but very rarely would I truly let people into my head and my heart. I found myself being the “go to” to a lot of people. Not until I read Shauna Niequists book bittersweet did I realize this has been detrimental to those people and ultimately to myself. There is a chapter called “home team”… it was super short but I had to think about it for a week. She admitted too that she loves her some people, but didn’t allow herself to have those that she knew would be there no matter what since there were so many. She eluded to how important it is to have a team of people that even if you don’t see or talk to them for big chunks of time… you know they would fly across the world just to wipe your tears and the other way around. The Lord has given me the peace that its okay to not be besties with every single person I come in contact with. This is in no way me saying that I am superrrrr popularrrrr… it is me saying I have a problem being a people pleaser. I have reduced my huge shallow pool to a comfortable deep hot tub and I can’t wait to get home and chill in it.
I am going to have a ton of children:
I have been in denial about this… but the Lord has given me a heart for all the babies in the freaking world. The first part of the race we did a ton of evangelism and not much baby holding but once we got to Africa my passion was solidified. I have always joked that the idea of giving birth to my own children is not my thing… and the Lord blessed it! My question is why would I give birth to more kids when there are so many that need physical parents and a freaking Savior! Why would I bring more souls into the world when there are 163,000,000 that are searching for their place in it?
