Following Christ is freaking hard.
It’s even harder to comprehend an actual relationship with Him.
I find myself aggravated when I look around and everyone seems so chill.
So in love with Jesus…
like it’s easy.
I feel like a misfit as I walk into a room
surrounded by a ton of people who seem to have it all together.
surrounded by a ton of people who seem to have it all together.
As if life is so pretty following Jesus.
Correct me if I’m wrong but it is a brutal battle
to follow Jesus.
to follow Jesus.
Life has never been harder.
I hate dying to myself.
It’s uncomfortable to be in the world but not of it.
It’s unnatural for me to sit down and study the Bible.
It’s painful to confess sins.
It hurts like hell to live in community.
It hurts like hell to live in community.
Following Christ demands sacrifice.
And my flesh is not a fan.
And my flesh is not a fan.
Yeah I’ve been a “missionary” …whatever that means.
I’ve seen the world.
I’ve held babies dying of HIV
and looked lifeless prostitutes in the eyeballs.
I’ve encouraged mothers who had no idea where they’d find
the next meal for their babies.
Yeah I have coddled street boys who fight, steal and kill to survive.
I’ve been threatened for bringing the name of Jesus down in the streets.
Yeah I’ve preached to village after village of the
redeeming love of Christ.
I’ve wept for peoples souls.
I’ve witnessed freaking healings right before my eyes…
and entire villages surrender their lives….
Even after all that, I am still not a turbo Christian.
I still don’t comprehend Him.
I still feel desperate for his presence like never before.
I still yell at my siblings.
I still hardcore hurt my friends.
I still lust after things of this world.
I still listen to the lie that I am inadequate.
I still listen to the lie that I am inadequate.
I still find myself judging people before I even meet them.
I still find myself becoming obsessed with material things.
It’s a battle not to lie to get out of things.
It’s a battle to be selfless.
It’s a battle to be selfless.
I still find myself wanting to ram people off the road.
I have to sometimes force myself to go to Church.
It’s not easy.
No one ever reaches that point that they’ve “made it”
No one ever reaches that point that they’ve “made it”
with the Lord.
While we are in this realm, we are going to be fighting a brutal fight.
While we are in this realm, we are going to be fighting a brutal fight.
It absolutely baffles me that I could want the Lord so bad
yet in a hot second I can drop all of it
and pursue my fleshly desires.
Paul slams it in Romans 7 when he says,
Paul slams it in Romans 7 when he says,
“I do not understand what I do, for what I want to do I don’t do. Instead, I do what I hate.”
Every ounce of me wants to live in the Spirit constantly.
Love with everything in me.
Love with everything in me.
Think before I speak.
Spend time on my face daily.
Hurt for those hurting around me.
Walk Holy and blameless.
But I don’t do it.
I actually do the very things I DESPISE.
What the hell.
Lord, blow us up.
Give us the strength to fight.
The strength to slay our flesh as soon as we are tempted.
Love us when we feel unloved.
Hold us when we feel alone.
Bust Satan off our backs when he’s suffocating us.
Sustain us in surrender.
Use our words to speak life and not death.
God please continue to chisel us into your vessels daily.
God please continue to chisel us into your vessels daily.
And freaking thank you for busting our sins as far as the east is from the west.
Whisper the very secrets of your heart into ours.
We want what you want.
Show us.
