Almost there.

December 30th 2010 what uppp. 

My plan all semester was to hop on a plane and fly into NYC and meet up with some fellow racers and spend news years there, get in the mindset of this crazy adventure, and be at the airport to meet everyone as they pour into JFK airport to fly out to India on the evening of the 2nd. Those of you who know me personally know that I am a planner by birth. I LOVE to know whats going on. Some may be fooled by my “spontaneous” personality. Dawg, don’t be fooled.  I love me some set in stone plans. Moral of this story: As I zipped up my pack last night, said my final goodbyes, wiped away tears of excitement and of sadness… the phone rings. “Your flight has been cancelled” “ummm…cool… well what plane did you rebook me for? oh you didn’t? oh okay… wellllll what am I supposed to do?” the next couple hours was me just being a baby and trying to grasp onto anything that gave me some sort of promise. Just so happened that the next flight with that airline was after all the other world racers had peaced out to India and that was not gonna happen. Not only that, but turns out there was a scam on my debit card for a random hotel, I had to figure out how to get refunded for all that and with the real hotel I had reserved blah blah blah blah. I was irate. livid. irritated. pissed. empty. felt robbed. I could’ve blown a gasket. How dare you mess up MY plans.

Um I was humbled almost immediately. Who am I? I felt as if I have been speaking for years that yeah dude the Lord is completely in in control– He’s got me covered– I trust Him with my everything! I had an immediate picture in my head of me holding my hands up in surrender but having my hands clutched so hard to my life that my hands were white and my veins were popping. That has got to stop. The problem is– bear with me… I honestly have no idea how to seriously surrender to Him. I want to. I need to. I desire to with my entire life… but for some reason I have such a hard time with it. Am I alone in this? I don’t feel as though I am. I ask for prayer in this aspect of my life. I do trust Him… but what does that even look like? I admit I have a problem. I feel as though this coming year I will be forced to learn what this truly means. I am scared out of my mind to REALLY know what that means.. but I am willing. Lord I’m willing. Show me, please.

On that same note, this semester has been stretching when it comes to raising funds for this trip. I am not a fan of waddling around asking people for money. I would love to just have the money and be on my way. Nope, the Lord yet again has had character building 101 for my life. He has absolutely blown me up and I have been out of control grateful for that BUT unfortunately I am not there yet. I am not worried, I know more than anything that this is His will for my life and it will come in….but on that same note I am called to do my part in this too. Up to now the Lord has blessed me with 11,100 and I am THRILLED and cannot even thank you guys enough for your love and support throughout all of this. He has proved his faithfulness yet again… I am truly blessed. In order to be fully funded I am still in need of 3,300 dollars! I am still fundraising all the way through the race so it is not crucial that I get all of this asap BUT it would take a ton of stress off to be fully funded in the near future. I know He is faithful and good and brilliant and in control but this is me doing my part. If for some reason you feel led to give or He haunts your heart or whatever 😉 you can click on “Support me” on the left side of this blog! You can also facebook me and ask for my home address or whatever. 

Thank you guys so much for first off, listening to me vent, and second of all–hearing my heart and convictions in my life. You guys are baller shot callers.