I would like to share a journal entry with you. Not many people are allowed into these deep, personal thoughts of mine but I hope you see a new perspective of Jesus like I did. I will give you some context to why I started writing it first…
I had the opportunity to share my testimony this past Sunday. A big part of my story involves my sister’s death in 2009 and how this drastically changed my life. Somehow, instead of feeling angry toward God, I believed He was real and near for the first time. I believed in my heart this time because I heard directly from God instead of from other people. I wrote a blog about this in January. It was 2 years after the mark of Abby’s death and I invite you to read more about that here: http://ruthcortese.theworldrace.org/?filename=two-years
As I shared this with the church, I was reminded of why I am on this trip in the first place: I am here to live like I believe God is REAL. I was kind of feeling restless and homesick the past couple of days and started to go further with this thought in my journal. So here’s my heart…
“I want to live like I believe God is real, near and good instead of seeking a safe and comfortable reassurance of my faith. However, I also know it does not have to be uncomfortable in order for it to be real. Trials do not validate the realness of God, but rather emphasize His goodness because He cannot be defined by the world’s standards. I find peace in that because I have never found true peace in what the world offers. I have not found the kind of peace that goes deep and touches the parts of me that only God and I know.;The kind of peace that cannot be defined. The peace that meets me in the middle of chaos and uncertainty… ‘My flesh and my heart may fail, but GOD is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.’ (Psalm 73:26) ‘In quietness and trust is your strength.’ (Isaiah 30:15b) ‘The Lord is not slow in keeping his promises, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you…’ (2 Peter 3:9a) Thank you for being the Prince of Peace, Father!”
I am so grateful for the ways God speaks to me. Let peace reign in your hearts and remember that the peace that Jesus offers is not based on feelings. His peace is constant and always with you. Sometimes, I just need Him to remind me it’s still there.
