She stands under
the dim red and purple glow of the lights, beckoning from the dark doorway of a
bar. The black tank top hugs her curves and her shorts and heels have been
selected because of how they show off her legs. Pale foundation powdered on and
a touch of bright lipstick complement her smiling face. However, when she
realizes there are no men in our group and that we probably won’t spend much
money, her smile dims. But it’s a slow night and the four of us American women
are the only guests in the place. The pool is free so I play a round of it with
her while she distractedly smokes a cigarette and watches the street, calling
out to men passing by (she beats me even when she tries to let me win; I’m THAT
bad) then I buy her a drink and sit down to try talk to her. I expect poor
English and a girl who probably won’t open up that much to me. However, buying
the drink for her earns her 50 Baht plus the drink (the bar moms pay the girls
for how many drinks are bought for them) and she wants to learn English. Her
smile is back and the more I listen, the more she opens up. I’m going to call
her Rakk which is Thai for “love.” This is her story.
“My name Rakk. I
twenty-eight year old. I want learn English. Before, my English not good. But
now, work in bar for two months and now much better.� At first, we talked about
superficial things, like her favorite color (black) and what type of men she
liked (tall and white with a little scruff). As she gets more comfortable, Rakk
opens up more. “This weekend, I go to Bangkok and Pattaya. Meet my boy Farang
(Thai for westerner/white person). He pay me 4000 Baht for three days. Every
time he come to Thailand, he call me.� She shows me a picture of him on her
phone. I discover that this guy is from Denmark and had been coming for at
least eight years; he’s the father of her son.
“My son, he eight
year old. Before, I haa no money so he go live with my sister, maybe three hour
away. Now, I work two job. I go home from here maybe three in morning. Sleep,
sleep, sleep then wake up. Afternoon, I go hotel.� She nods in affirmation as I
mime answering a phone and taking notes. “There, work front desk. After, I get
on my motorbike and come here. Before, work another bar. Now here maybe two
months. Send money home to pay for school for son and hep sister. Here, live with haf sister an other girl.� She points to a third girl who sits by the entrance to the bar, enticing men to enter. Then she
says something that I’m not really prepared for. “I like work in bar. Make more
money. And I like sleep with the men. Nice to fall asleep with someone hold
you. Feel safe.�
She continues.
“Before, I haa Thai boyfrien. He bad to me. He beat me. Boom! Boom!� She mimes
punching herself in the face. “He break on me!� She twists so her back is
towards me and pulls up her shirt, showing me the raised scar running down her
spine. “He beat me so I say no more an leave.� I find that this has all taken
place within the past few months. “Now, I learn Muay Thai so no more beat me!
One boy Farang I haf, he come to me next day and say, ‘F- you! F- you! F- you!’
and I not know why. I say, ‘Why? What I do bad?’ but all he say is, ‘F- you! F-
you! F- you!’ � She mimes shaking her fists at me the way he had threatened
her. “So I get mad and say, ‘Ok, you wan fight?! Go out back, five min! I fight
you!� She laughs about it now but there is a bitter tinge to her voice.
We begin a second
game of pool but don’t have enough time to finish it. One of the women in our
group heads across the street to say hi to a prostitute that she met on a
previous outreach walk. When Rakk and I stop our game because it’s time to
leave, she notices them across the street. “Introduce me to you frien!� she
exclaims and links her arm in mine as we walk across. It doesn’t dawn on me
until after we are there and talking to a middle-aged white male who was
sitting with the prostitute that she wanted to be introduced to the man so she
could make more money that night. When she realizes I don’t know the man, Rakk
tells me she has to go back. She says goodbye and gives me a quick hug before
hurrying back across to take her place under the dim red and purple lights with
her friends.
In her, I saw a
woman hurting and hungering for love. She looks for it in the men around her,
trying to make the temporary physical replace the unconditional constant. One
night stands, grasping for what isn’t there, trying to be filled. But in her, I also see a fighting spirit.
This tiny woman has spunk and sass and a sense of humor. She is a hard worker
and strives to provide for her family. And she loves to learn! God has blessed
her greatly in so many ways; I pray that He shows her what true love really
is. My heart hurts for her, and for the knowledge that I would only be a one
night conversation, just another passing thing rather than someone who would be
able to stay in her life and show her what love really is. But Lighthouse in
Action is doing a great job. I gave her the number for one of the women at the
organization who is helping teach English and reaching out to the prostitutes
in the red light district of Chiang Mai. She promised to attend the free
lessons where she’ll also hear about God.
As we parted ways and I watched her walk back
to her life, calling out invitations to all the men passing by, I whispered a
prayer for her. For her health, her future, and her son’s future. And that she
truly finds the love that only God can give.
