God, what’s the
answer? Am I staying on the World Race and finishing it out? Or am I going home
early? You show me! Part of me would be ok going home but a big part of me wants to stay. I’ve learned and done so many
things!
In Kenya, I loved
that You allowed me to dance with the youth dance team. The door to door and
hospital visits, praying for people, reaching out to those who were in the
church as well as outside of it… well, I didn’t love those as much, but it was
still good. My favorite was working with the destitute kids who wore dirty
clothes, sniffed glue, lived on the street, and slept on a veranda. Making them
food, bringing them to church, laying the groundwork for a children’s home – it
was all awesome. Uganda seemed like it was just one crusade after another! But
we were able to reach many villagers for You. Preaching at church and in
schools wasn’t as much to my liking but it glorified You. I thrived on playing
soccer most afternoons with the teens! Thanks for making it part of my outreach
there. Rwanda was much more relaxing and consisted mostly of preaching and
teaching English. I’ve found that I seem to be much better at learning other
languages than teaching people mine so in the end, I usually ended up playing
soccer in the street with the kids to keep them from bothering the adults who
were in class. My month and a half in the Philippines was incredible! It was
filled with ministry – digging the foundation for a new hospital wing for
pregnant teens, learning basic medical care and helping take care of the
expectant mothers, working with a loving on kids who had been physically,
emotionally, and sexually abused and/or orphaned, and hanging out with street
kids and prostitutes in downtown Manila and showing them God’s love in action.
I’m becoming more and more thankful for the linguistic and artistic abilities You’ve blessed
me with; it opened so many doors for me to talk to kids and young adults!
And after all those amazing countries, You send me to Thailand, which wasn’t
even on my original route. I love it here! Where else can you get Pad Thai,
Thai iced tea, and a bag of fried bugs for under $2?! I’m really enjoying the
work here as well. During the day, we do construction at the new land where
homes going to be built for kids who have been prevented from entering the sex
trade. In the evenings, we get to hang out with 80+ kids, helping with homework
and English or just getting to know each other. One night, we also got to do
bar ministry where my team went into the red light district and was able to
befriend a few prostitutes and sit and talk with them. This month, You also
challenged me to start learning the guitar by pretty much dropping seven of
them in my hands. Some new life skills that I’ve learned or improved thus far
on the Race – playing the guitar, cutting boys’ AND girls’ hair, drawing
tattoos, digging dirt, laying concrete, plumbing, harvesting tamarind, cooking
all manner of delicious international foods, and bits of six languages
(semi-conversational fluency in two of them!).
Through the past
five months, You’ve taught me about Your unconditional love, how I just need to
be willing to change then step back and let You be the One to make the change
in me. I’ve had some mind-blowing revelations about Who You are and who You’ve
created me to be. I’ve heard from You in a whole new way, sometimes through
dreams and pictures in my head but more often as a quiet voice in my mind and
heart. More and more, You’re revealing to me my identity in You and forming me
to conform to You.
So why does part of
me want to go home early? I’d love to be home in time to see my boyfriend
before he deploys; that’s probably the biggest reason. But You promised to take
care of him and that I’d see him again so I’m not going to worry about that. It’d be great to
see my family and friends again, to find a good job for the summer to earn
money so that I can do more traveling and missions work. But, God, are all of
these selfish reasons? Do I want them simply because they’d make ME happier?
Help me to continue having joy in all places and situations, continue being
present wherever You place me. I still am but I don’t want to stop!
Abba, You know that
this trip costs $14,800 and I only have $11,078 in my account right now. You
also know that our final deadline is in 25 days on February 1st and
I have to have all the money in by then if I want to stay. You’ve blessed me
monetarily thus far. If you want me to stay, will You bless me with the
remaining amount? Show me that I’m supposed to still be here! I know You have
more to accomplish in me. You’re not finished with me yet! But are You finished
with me on the World Race? I don’t really feel a call to Eastern Europe… Is it
because I don’t want to go or because You’re really not calling me there? God,
help! Give me wisdom and discernment if I’m supposed to be here. And if I’m
supposed to be here, please, please, PLEASE let the money be there!
Amen.
