You know when I got fired from KATV back in April I really saw it as divine intervention. I mean think about it, a month before, I started praying for God to take over my life. And actually, just a few weeks before the firing I went to my mom and told her I was thinking about quiting my job and joining the media team on the world race. So when I was canned I felt like it was God’s way of saying, “go!, find a new life in me.” However, it didnt take long for the enemy to start whispering his lies to me. All of a sudden I found myself thinking…”Man, am I just doing all this to show people I’m alright with getting dumped by Channel 7, when maybe i’m not?”…”Was this all just some front to protect my ego, my false self?”…”Did I really want to serve God?” Basically, I was dealing with a lot of doubt. That’s exactly how the enemy works though, he sneak in, whispers a lie or two and then sits back and watches us begin to believe it. BUT, I went back thru my journal and found this entry from July 9, 2006 – almost exactly nine months to the day before i was fired.
“I think now more than ever I’m ready to do God’s good work. I’m so stuck in a rut, a pattern of nothingness. Something needs to change. I still have so many struggles, but I believe I’m getting a glimpse – a taste of my purpose. I want to live for God. I am not satisfied with anything. I now realize my job will never make me happy, make me full. It is only a platform to do God’s good work. I’m scared and I’m lazy, but God give me the strength to pray for strength, if that makes any sense. I feel this in my heart – it’s coming. I need faith. I need hope….I’m nearly 31, I don’t want to waste anymore time.
I’m so bored. My life is so empty, it’s stale, very, very stale. My life is lifeless, uneventful and not fulfilled. There’s so much that needs to be done is this world. God give me the strength. I need more, not just strength, but more love, more willingness to help, give, teach, inspire, lead. This world is wrapping up! God get me in the good fight! I’m sick of the routine! I’m sick of the normal, it’s killing me. Break the chains God!”
Obviously after going back and reading this, the lies of the enemy were smashed!. It was confirmation my soul desperately needed. And i’m sharing this with you because I want ya’ll to know what’s been going on in my heart and how God’s desires have manifested in my soul!. My heavenly father continues to amaze me each day.
Also, anyone who is interested in helping out financially with my journey to southeast Asia can do so by going to the “support me” link.
