A friend of mine recently told me to write more about what God’s doing in my life, and not so much about what I’m seeing or doing here in Thailand. Relax Chris Tucker you got to have some balance when putting together a rocking blog! HA! I’m kidding, but not really.
Believe me, I’m sure there are plenty of people out there who would rather hear more about the work we are doing for the poorest of the poor – which is cool because we’re doing lots of that. Then there are some folks who are all about the pictures – which I got lots of great ones so check them out! Of course then I got friends who check in every now and then just to make sure I’m still alive. Finally, there’s you Chris Tucker, and I’m sure there are others, but I’m picking on you Chris. You want to see me get all vulnerable and talk about my feelings and my heart. You want me to get honest and share my walk with Christ. Are you ready for some blunt honesty my friend? The enemy has been kicking my butt since I’ve been here. My first few days in Thailand I felt further away from God than I did when I was back in the states. Crazy huh? This blog is for you my brother.
It’s pretty simple really, the enemy is out to kill, steal and destroy. Don’t believe me, check out John 10:10. He wants to kill the joy I have from living in God’s will for my life, steal the happiness I get from serving others and destroy the peace that comes from knowing my heavenly Father has great plans for my life. Let me tell you folks the enemy is tricky and he’s great at lies. Here’s how he suckered me in.
I knew coming into the world race I would experience stuff other racers dealt with months ago. Things like abandonment of basic luxuries, like showers, unlimited amounts of food, air conditioning, whatever, the list goes on. I guess what I didn’t anticipate getting hit with was a “spiritual inferiority complex.” You see I joined this thing seven months late. So God’s had a little more time with everyone else. Right now on the race there are folks that fast for days and don’t even know why until the fourth day. Then you got people who are starting to get a vision for what God wants to do in their lives. Plus all the racers already have bonds that can only be built after spending months living in close community. So the enemy has been hitting me with, “Dude, you don’t belong here!” or “Look everyone else has a vision from God, where’s yours?” or “You just don’t fit in.” Don’t get me wrong, I’m not mad at anyone. Everyone has been great and made me feel very welcome. I truly love these folks, but it’s just the enemy playing to my insecurities. And he’s also used my “old self” perspective to trip me up. Here’s the deal, this ain’t some competition. It ain’t a job. You see that’s how I’ve always approached anything – especially being in the TV business. It’s super competitive and it’s all about working harder, longer and being the best! But thing is, it’s not like I got to be the best at loving Jesus. I mean what would that look like anyway? This is just life and my heavenly Father will bring me along at HIS pace, not mine. So for the first few days this lie had me all jacked up. My mind was racing. (I’m pretty obsessive anyway.) I just felt very unfocused which made it extremely hard for me to spend time any quality time with my God.
So the longer I stayed unplugged from God the worse the attacks got. My first night in Chiang Mai I got slammed with some dreams that really unearthed a lot of past pain I’ve been trying to put behind me. And I guess that just did it. I was hurt, joyless and finally I was getting pissed about it. Here I am in freaking Thailand, serving my heavenly Father by helping those in need. Plus, I’m getting to see the world and experience some of the greatest people you’d ever meet. I’m staying in a real Thai village, taking baths in the creek; sleeping on the floor and helping the locals remodel their church. All these things should be bringing me joy, yet I found myself thinking of stupid bullcrap. Throughout that day after the dream I kept praying out loud, in my head, around my teammates, whatever, I was tired of being silent. That night God directed me to Ephesians 6:10-18. Ya’ll know this one, where Paul talks about putting on the armor of God. I had to see it, really soak it in. I was sick of getting beat down. I love how Paul says in verse 10 “Be strong with the Lord’s mighty power.” That’s huge, “the Lord’s mighty power!” Jesus repeatedly told us in the Gospels that we if we are His followers then we have authority “over all the power of the enemy.” That means all the devil’s got on us is his lies. He has NO authority and Paul’s words reminded me of that TRUTH. Paul also says in two different places to put on ALL of God’s armor. That’s the only way to stand firm in the face of spiritual attacks. Here’s the list of that armor: the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of peace, the shield of faith, salvation as our helmet, the sword which is the Word of God. Most importantly, Paul reminds us to pray at all times.
You see I was not doing that. I was barely turning to God. Thing is people we got to fight for our joy, battle for our happiness and take on the enemy to have any victory over his crap. I don’t know why I thought the devil would just leave me alone while I go out and serve as the hands and feet of Jesus, but I did. However, I’m ready now. This battle woke me up and showed me how I’ve got to come to God every second of the day. I cannot do any of this on my own. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t figured this thing out. I’m still getting hit with attacks, but at least I don’t feel far away from my heavenly Father. I’m just trying to use all the armor He’s given me. That’s all I can do.
There you go Chris, you happy? HA! I’m kidding, you know I love you brother. Hope you and your family are well! And despite what you just read I am having an amazing time. If I was a better writer I’d put it all into words for you, but I’m not so just check out my picture blog!
