Here’s part of an email I just sent out to a fellow world racer.
I tell ya, its been hard being home, adjusting to everything. I feel like maybe people think I should be some sort of spiritual giant. I think maybe i expect that of myself. However, I’ve already fallen flat on my face with that one. It seems i have no grace, nor patience and i want everything my way! How crazy, I just get off a trip in which I discovered I really enjoy serving people, now i feel like a burger king ad “have it your way.” Its like for four months I served, now dammit i wanna be served! I now realize it was the Lord equipping me to be a servant. And that i was never a servant under my own strength, but ONLY by the Holy spirit’s work inside me. And what’s worse is now that i’m home I haven’t been in the Word as much because obviously I’m caught up in being home. So God has made it apparently clear I gotta chase after him, because if i don’t, the next thing i know I’m living thru my flesh.
More lessons in humility. It’s great! How many times will God have to show me I can’t do crap apart from Him. (John 15:4) If I’m not all over Him, seeking and searching in prayer, getting in the Word and journaling – I’m totally useless! I guess I thought I didn’t have to work for it anymore. I guess I figured these past four months away meant I could roll on back to Arkansas in cruise control – no God guidance needed here, HA!, whatever! I need it more than ever! I tell ya, the main thing this trip taught me was it ain’t about the “doing” – it’s simpler than that. It’s about loving the Lord your God with all your heart soul and mind and seeking Him with all you got! PERIOD! (Matt. 22:37, Ps. 105:4) I’ve found for me, if I do those things God will direct my steps and the good deeds will pour out.
“Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful apart from me.” – John 15:4
And I, Rusty Jackson, cannot produce the fruits of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control) apart from the Lord. If I’m not getting plugged into Him EVERYDAY then I’m living thru my flesh. Which means I’ll be whigging out and getting mad about stupid things like not being able to find my belt and now I’m busting a sweet sag. Or I’ll get agitated because I wanted to hang out at my buddy’s house, but because of unexpected circumstaces he’s got family over there and now my plans are all jacked. And then I can’t even stop off and pick up that same friend something to eat because it’s not convient for me. Maybe I’m nit picking or being too hard on myself, but whatever, I just wanted to let ya’ll know I’m no spiritual giant. I’m a fleshly, selfish, confused, agitated young man who is totally clueless about how the Lord will ever equip a guy like me for this next year of my life.
