It’s been a while since I have written. We’ve gone through Malawi, and Ukraine, and both countries were amazing. I will write a separate blog on both of those later.
What I’d like to write about today is a rather uncomfortable topic for me. The World Race for me has looked like a journey of coming home, in a sense, to who God really says I am. We’ve had the opportunities to serve others, travel the world, live out of a backpack, die to self, and disciple one another and be discipled. However, the main topic has been identity. I’ve learned that I am bold, filled with grace, passionate, gentle, and free. I speak with authority, my prayers change things, because of whom I belong to. The Race wasn’t the catalyst for the change in me, but simply provided the space and time for the Lord to come in and dig out the dying roots and replace them with living and healthy branches connected to the Vine.
We are in Romania at the moment and have the opportunity to help prepare the kids camp we are staying at to be camper ready. This has looked like construction, plastering, cutting down trees, praying over the campus and for the kids, and many other projects. It has been hard work, but good to do and see the fruit of our labour when the tasks are complete.
A task that I was involved with was cutting trees down. We needed to clear out a space for the campers to come and have small groups there and it was covered in trees and fallen leaves. The area was dark and we cut down many dying trees and branches. The more we cut, the more light that began to peak through. I thought, ok Lord this is a little symbolic. About a day later a teammate gave me some verses about the very last thing from my past that I had not dealt with on the Race. The Lord has pulled up dying roots from my past all throughout this journey, and I thought that this one was going to wait until after the Race, but God has other plans. He wanted me to bring it into the light and let it not be hidden anymore. A part of that was telling my team about it, and the other part of this process has been to write about it. So here we are.
I have unpaid debt. That might sound like a thing a lot of people are dealing with, it happens. I however let myself be frozen by fear and didn’t touch it. This has resulted in living in fear and shame for a few years now. It’s hung over my head, and has seemed like that one thing that the Lord just won’t be able to help me out with this time because it’s too shameful. Do you hear that? That lie? It’s been ringing in my ears and heart for far too long. The Lord doesn’t like that; He has declared war against it. God is bigger than all my problems in this world. He loves me deeply, and without reproach. His wanting me to sit in the shame is contrary to his very nature. He’s already told me that he will help me. Money is such a taboo thing to talk about in our culture, and it;s deeply personal. But if I don’t bring this to the light like He’s asked me to, it will remain the same, and that can no longer be. So I choose to walk in obedience and face this head on because of who I know that I am now (which is not a person of fear and shame but boldness and freedom), and because my heavenly father is with me always. He is going to fight my battles with me each step of the way, because He loves me deeply.
Now after the Race is over I know that it will not be my final run with mission work, he is calling me into full time missions. I will have my debt paid off beforehand because God is a provider. I will work and do whatever the Lord asks me to do to pay it off. My future holds promise, and lots and lots of light where roots of dead branches used to grow. The Lord was incredibly stern, and kind in this with me. I have a lot to be grateful for.
