I have been staring at the computer for over an hour, trying to find the perfect way to start this blog. Truth is, I can’t think of an awesome quote or a perfect sentence that would grab your attention. Instead I will tell you about a little girl I had the opportunity to meet.
After a 4 hours flight and a little over an hour bus ride, we made it to our ministry site. We were tired, but excited and expectant for the next month. We settled in, had coffee and sat with some children trying to communicate as best as we can with the few Spanish words we knew. Around dinner time everyone sat in the “comedor” dining room, around tables to eat. I sat right across the baby table where 3 little girls ranging from 1 to 2 were eating.
When we were done eating I stayed seated at the table where I made silly faces at the kids and watched as big smiles broke out on their faces. I smiled at the babies and one of the little girls reached out to me. When I reached back to her she ran away. We played like this for several moments but we never actually touched each other. On the second day we saw each other, she slowly got close enough to me to where she could touch my leg but still wouldn’t let me touch her. Finally by the end of the day, we had eye contact and the rest is history. Sometimes when she sees me, she runs and hugs my legs. She lets me pick her up and she gives me kisses and hugs. If we try hard enough we might get her to give someone else a hug. She isn’t always friendly and only likes a few people but every now and then she’ll get close enough to someone to touch them but not always the other way around.
Her name is Carolina. She is a curly haired little girl with the meanest stank face you’ve ever seen on a baby. She doesn’t smile at many people but when she does she shows the most beautiful smile. She doesn’t suck her finger like other kids do, instead she sucks the inside of her wrist. She has a big lump of flesh there because of how she sucks it. Her laughter is contagious and she is the mother in the baby group.
Carolina’s mother is mentally ill, her stepfather is now in prison. When they found baby Carolina, she was tied up and couldn’t suck her thumb to soothe herself so sucked on her wrist. She was raped, had burn marks, bruises, scabies, lice, scratches… She didn’t talk, she grunted. Even today Carolina grunts, but it’s great to see the progress she’s made. We constantly tell her “dedos Carolina” when we see her sucking on her wrist. She gets upset and run away when that happens, but we do it anyways. She recently turned 2 and to think that she’s been through so many things is devastating.
Last week, I told a friend some of the kids’ stories and he told me that the things I talk about are things of fiction. Carolina isn’t just a story, she is as real as you and me and she did go through those things. Here in Honduras, women get chopped off with machete by their husbands or boyfriend because they try to leave an abusive relationship. Children watch as parents get murdered, babies get abandoned, girls get pregnant as early as 10 years old. Children get raped by family members, they get exploited and not much is being done. Injustice is rampant and it hurts my heart.
Our host says to look at these kids and see where God has taken them and how influential they’re going to be. I see it and I am really hopeful, because those children are beautiful and their stories are inspiring. Yet, I still feel helpless and I get angry at my inability to do anything that can turn this around. I want to believe that God is at work and that my prayers count for something, but that’s not easy. It’s just hard seeing past the hurt, so I am inviting you to pray with and for me.
