Hey guys! I have a life update for you all!
The field is a really rough place to be when you have depression and anxiety, and I experienced that first hand. After prayerfully considering my mental health and where I was emotionally, leadership thought the best option for me was no longer on the field, but at home. I left the field on February 20th and after 36 hours of travel, I was home, safe and sound. This wasn’t an easy decision to say the least, having to say goodbye to 40 of my best friends that I just lived with for 6 months, I learned with, I worked with and I grew to love. I’m going to paste a copy of the letter I wrote my squad when I left for you all to read, and hopefully you understand. I know you all probably have a lot of questions, but honestly, so do I. Sorry for the delay in posting this update, I’ve been home a week and I’m still suffering from culture shock and jetlag. I needed a minute to process coming home and no longer being on the field before telling people and posting this blog. Thank you all for loving me, understanding and supporting me these last six months, I will be posting another blog about some of the incredible things I’ve learned and the way I really saw the Lord working in my life. Stay tuned!
Hey guys,
By the time you’re reading this I am home safe and sound with my people. I’m clean, I smell good and I’m sleeping in an actual bed. Hallelujah.
I just wanted to write you guys an email saying some things that my heart didn’t have time to process in the short amount of time we had to say goodbye to each other.
Buckle up, it’s time to get sappy.
-I want to start by opening up a little into my current situation and explain a little deeper into why I went home. Mental illness is a (enter bad word here). Depression and anxiety is something I’ve struggled with my whole life and since being on the field, the daily medicine I take wasn’t really doing it’s job. After prayerfully considering my mental state and what would be best for me, it was decided that home was the place I need to be at this point. It sucks, it really does, but I just want to let you all know that I felt extreme peace about the decision. “If the wind goes where He sends it, so will I” and if that means He sends me to a little village in “South Asia” wink wink or to my home turf, I will go. I’ve said yes to Him before, I’ll do it again, and I’ll never stop doing it either. Something that Diana encouraged me with while I was saying how disappointed I was in myself for not finishing with you guys is that I DID complete my race. I did MY race, not anyone else. And if God called me to only six months on the field, I completed what He sent me out to do. So don’t be sad thinking I didn’t complete it, in all honesty I think each one of us will complete our race at separate times anyway. I don’t think the end to our races will be the same day, the same week or even the same month. I’m going to continue ministry at home, taking what I learned on the field and applying it to my every day life.
-HOLY CRAP do I love you guys. Wow. There wasn’t a single one of you that was an easy goodbye, each and every time I looked you in the eyes (or tried to anyway) my heart broke a little bit more. You all have become so incredibly special to me and I truly would consider you all family members. Imagine that family reunion… yikes.
-You all taught me so much. The vulnerability and authenticity each one of you showed made me realize how freaking scary it is to open up to people, but how it is so so so worth it. The conversations, “dates”, shenanigans and everything in between that we shared literally meant the world to me. I’m so incredibly thankful that I didn’t leave having strangers still on the squad. Also, you each showed me new images of Jesus and who He is. In the things you’d say and the things you’d do, and the fact that Jesus is living in each one of you, I saw Him in incredible, beautiful and life changing ways. He is alive and He is active (CAN I GET AN AMEN) and it’s so evident in our squad. There’s no way we fooled any of those immigration officers saying we’re “just tourists”… they definitely knew.
-Even though I wont be physically will you all from here on out, I will still be walking with the squad throughout the remainder of your time on the field. I promise I’ll be reading your blogs, liking your Instagram pictures, and routing you all on from Philadelphia. I will constantly be covering the squad in prayer and interceding for you guys. I’m still a part of the squad, my personality is too infectious for you all to forget me, and that being said I will continue to love you and support you as if I was still there.
– I just want to thank you all for loving me so well. I know I’m a lot to handle, but I have to say, I think you all did a pretty good job at it. There was never a time I didn’t feel loved, supported, heard or seen by the whole squad. Thanks for laughing at my jokes, even when they definitely were uncomfortable, giving me attention when I was craving it with ALL of my being, and just those little moments of complete sincerity when you said you loved me. I will never forget the laughs, the tears and the moments of complete and utter disbelief that you all had when I would say something totally uncalled for and I just… kept… talking… These past six months have held some of the memories that I’ll be telling my grandchildren one day because they had that much of an impact on my life. You each have played such an important role in my story and I’m so thankful to have you each in my life.
It’s been real, it’s been fun, it’s been smelly and it’s been a wild freaking ride, but I wouldn’t have wanted to do it with anyone else. I love you all so much and I’m only a message away for any of your medical questions, life advise inquiries or pep-talks.
Keep saying yes to what He has for you, keep finding your passions and never stop being the hands and feet of Jesus. I’m so proud of you guys.
Love, Rosie.
