There’s so much I could say, that I don’t even know where to start. I imagine this is what most of the upcoming year will feel like. This season of preparation has been nothing short of hectic. Time is going by faster than I’d like and before we know it, Y squad is going to be on a plane to Serbia (eleven days but who’s counting).
Less than two weeks. Less than two weeks to pack. Less than two weeks to say all of my see you laters. Less than two weeks until I go.
Don’t get me wrong – I’m beyond ecstatic for what is about to come. But leaving is still hard.
The most common question is are you nervous? The simple answer would be a little, but the reasons I’m nervous aren’t the reasons I expected. Truthfully, it hasn’t hit me yet and I don’t think it will until I’m in Atlanta, reunited with my squad.
There are going to be bad days and there are going to be good days. There are going to be days when I know the race is exactly where I’m supposed to be and there will be days when all I want to do is be home, be comfortable. Those feelings are part of life and being on the race doesn’t change that.
I’m not qualified for this. At least thats how I feel sometimes. I haven’t memorized enough scripture and I have little experience in ministry outside of high school mission trips. But God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
Eleven months sounds like a very long time. In some ways it is, and in other ways it isn’t. Before we know it, the race will be over as quickly as it started. While I’m sad about missing out on memories while I’m away, I find comfort in knowing that these people will still be my people when I return.
One of the hard parts about leaving doesn’t come from loved ones, it comes from the pressure of society. Yes, I’m leaving for a year. I quit a job where I made a great salary for a year of zero pay checks. Society would tell me not to. Society would say I’ll be behind when I get back.
Each of us has a purpose, unique to who we are and who we were meant to be. I have no idea what life will look like after the race, and some days that is terrifying. I know the desires of my heart and have faith that those will be a part of my journey. Which job I will be working upon my return – I couldn’t even begin to tell you.
When I think about leaving, it’s the people I’m sad to leave. I’m going to miss going to church with family and friends, rollerblading around the block just because, the ability to communicate at any given moment, and just being together doing nothing at all.
I’m going to miss picking out which mug to drink my coffee from, runs through the neighborhood or along the bayou, the feeling of a real book in my hands, and the weekends, though rare, that my entire family gathers together.
I’ve tried to picture what life is like on the race, but picturing something is entirely different than living it. Life on the race is going to be hard and it’s going to be uncomfortable. Through discomfort, comes growth and I can’t wait to see the growth that this journey brings.
11 days until 11n11!
