UPDATE: I am FULLY FUNDED!! Thank you to each and every one of you for praying and supporting me in all that God is doing in and through me on the World Race. God has used all of you mightily and I am so blessed. Africa, here I come!! Praise and Love!
We are reaching 8.5 months on this crazy, beautiful journey called World Race. Home and its many mirages of loved ones, churches with worship in English, comfy beds, showers, and delicious, recognizable foods still feel very, very far off — yet they are not. “This too shall pass”. I am reminded of this daily when I just can’t eat another plate of white rice or go to another team time. (Yes, my gorgeous teammates are more than lovely, but let’s admit it is not natural to talk to the same five people and share feelings everyday for months on end). When I signed up for the World Race I had an illusion of freedom, as I defined it. Freedom to have an adventure with the Lord — to travel, to experience new people and places, to step away from the daily patterns and life choices that felt stifling at the time. All these things have held true, yet I don’t FEEL free. I have never made so few choices for myself. I can go nowhere alone, some months like this one, I am not even able to leave the house unless our host is taking us somewhere. Most of my time, how, where, and with whom it is spent are not in my control. Cabin, or mosquito net fever, is a very real thing! There are times on the Race where I have felt more like Paul in a prison cell in Rome, than any of the early church being sent out to spread the Good News.
What I feel and what I know are NOT congruent. I have never KNOWN myself to be more free. Things have been hard, wonderful, scary, sad, funny, and bittersweet over these past eight months. So much changes and so much happens that it’s honestly felt nearly impossible to process on my own, let alone blog about it. Bottom line, I have had many moments where I had a choice: give up on the Race, possibly even give up on Christ, or press into Jesus further and pray for greater faith. In all my failings, by the grace of God, in this most important decision, I have chosen well.
You see, there comes a time in our walks with God where the boxes we have placed on what our life should look like or what we expect God to do and not to do are blown out of the water. For me that happened as I lay bleeding profusely on the ground after falling off a motorcycle in Malaysia. By His goodness, the car that was following a few short feet behind did not run me over. I tried to be grateful and rejoice that the multiple scars, bruises, and stitches lining my face and body had not been worse, yet I couldn’t help also being angry. “Don’t you know God that I am an actress in Hollywood? How does this make sense? My body still isn’t fully recovered from a car wreck last year. When I came on the Race I thought you promised me a new season, something good. I fail to see Your goodness in this, and in many of the especially hard things P Squad has gone through.”
I came to the place where my reality and the size of my faith did not match. It is a place, if I am being honest, that I have come to many times before, but on the Race I have none of my handy regular numbing coping mechanisms at my disposal. As much as that plain ol’ sucks, I believe that is where the beauty of an experience like this lies. You can’t run and you can’t hide. There are only so many days you can continue “pretending” you are in love with God on the Race and putting on a strong face for your team and ministry before you completely break down. That is where the choice came in for me: go home or go deeper. Going home was never something I truly considered, so off the deep end I went! The Race provides built-in leadership and accountability to help guide you along the way if you so choose to press into it, and I am so thankful for the beacons of light they have been for me.
What I can tell you all after months of imperfectly desiring and pursuing the heart of the Father, is that He DOES answer. Intimate was never a word I would have used to describe my relationship with God. Now, as flowery as it sounds, I have discovered secret chambers to my heart that only He knew the way to. I have come to know Him as Father, Lover, Comforter, Lord, Friend. He is my closest relationship of all and I have learned to be satisfied and filled in His presence. I have grown to truly take the bible at face value as never before. That “ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” — Romans 8:28. I continue choosing Him; because loving someone is bottom line a daily choice, faith is a daily choice. To put in the time is a choice, to believe and act on what He says about me and all the situations in my life. It’s not always easy, but it’s always freeing. In the grand scheme of things, regardless of what my life does or doesn’t look like post-Race, I am gaining the freedom I most wanted all along. The kind that lasts regardless of the inevitable ups and downs of life. The kind that had the apostle Paul saying from a prison cell, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” –Philippians 4:11-13
We are now in the final stretch. Three more countries to go, one new continent. The leaves will soon begin to change colors (not in my neck of the woods…wait, are there even “woods” in LA? Well, you get the gist), the marker of one season ending and another beginning. Soon we will all be home safely in our beds, with visions of sugar plums dancing in our heads. In all seriousness, the World Race, like any other season in our life, is marked by the choices we make. Even when it feels like we barely have any choices in life, we can always choose to press into God or not. I have learned that when we focus on the Father, His truth, Word, love and heart for us, He will make our paths straight and help and guide us to continue to choose wisely in all the details of our lives (Psalm 119:105 & Proverbs 3:6). That we will assuredly fail at times, but it just helps us to further remember our deep need for Jesus, that only He is perfect and we are in the process of being perfected in and through Him for the rest of our lives (2 Corinthians 12:9 & Hebrews 10:14).
I am not much of a physical runner, but I do know that we must keep our eyes on the finish line. The finish line of the World Race is not December around the Christmas tree, but Jesus. Always Jesus. He is my prize and great reward. That I may say, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now, there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award me on that day – and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for His appearing.” — 2 Timothy 4:7-8
Practically, to finish this season well and the Race which I am called to, I NEED YOUR HELP. I cannot finish without you. I am still $3,650 away from being fully funded. This was supposed to be in my account by the beginning of July, but AIM has been giving me tons of grace because they see the growth in me and my desire to stay on the field. That being said, they have let me know I will have to leave the field early if I do not raise this soon. Please consider supporting me, any amount helps. I would appreciate your prayers for provision and continued miraculous complete healing from the accident. Thank you so very much! I am eternally grateful that so many of you have supported me so far and made this experience come true.
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.” – Galatians 5:1
With so much Love, Hope and Faith,
Rose
PRACTICAL INFO:
The World Race is an 11 month mission to 11 countries around the world. It is intensive discipleship program of serving and caring for the underserved and underprivileged practically, and through it bringing the restorative hope of God’s love to the many tribes and nations.
You can follow along on my journey and support me at Rose.TheWorldRace.org Please subscribe on the left side of the home page. Feel free to comment at any time and/or message me if you have questions.
On the left side you can make an online tax-deductible donation by clicking “Support Me” and/or become monthly supporters. This is the easiest way as there are no longer any extra fees. You are also welcome to send checks. Be sure to indicate the purpose of your gift on your check: “Rose Sirna Jan15 Rte4”
You can send tax-deductible checks to:
Adventures In Missions
P.O. Box 742570
Atlanta, GA 30374-2570
