I feel like I've been a writing machine over the last several days, particularly because my heart and mind have been flooded from all the changes taking place in my life. I guess I'm still currently at peace with things as much as I can be, but a lot of the sense of "calm" I feel is more like surrealness and disbelief regarding all that has recently transpired. There's been so much to take in all at once, that I feel like I almost can't comprehend all of it just yet. A new year, new teams, new leaders, new places, new/old countries, new information, new plans, and a new me… in a matter of 48hrs. I still can't believe I'm sitting at home typing this while the rest of my squad is on the other side of the world without me by their side! It seems unreal, but it's now my reality! I still have a hard time believing it though. I'm stuck between who I was, who I am, and who I want to be… and I don't really know where to go from here. I know my heart is with my squad wherever they may go, with those I met in Honduras, and a piece of it will ALWAYS be here at home with those I love.
{ "I'm caught between just who I am and who I want to be" – Bon Jovi }
I feel like I still have so much growing, learning, and changing left to do… most of which I never would've realized needed to be done if it weren't for this crazy adventure into the unknown with my amazing world race family! But, I don't always know how to go about it and sometimes still fear that I'll revert back to the old me instead of continuing to blossom into the flower I'm destined to be. I know God's not done working on me yet and I hope/pray that others can see the changes that've taken place within me that He alone could make! I certainly wasn't strong enough to make them on my own and I thank God everyday for those He's placed in my life to help guide me along the right path. I thank God everyday for the people He's placed in my life to help me, encourage me, tell me I don't need to go at it alone, and occasionally lovingly kick me in the butt in order to call out my inner greatness that was sometimes hard for me to see/believe. There were more times than I can count over the last 3 months that my team & world race fam was there for me to lean on, cry with, or talk to. Different people/situations bring out different parts in others, and my world race family certainly brought out a lot of tears and healing within me. I honestly don't think any other group of individuals could do what they've done for me in the way that they did.
[taken from google pics]
