Uncertainty is currently a sickness that I can't overcome… I know I will in time b/c God has everything under control. I know things happens for a reason and that I can't always get my way… I know sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall in place… really, I do, I get it!
But, at the same time, I like to know the "why" and I'm not an overly big fan of the whole "hurry up and wait" process… at all right now… haha
Throughout this fundraising process, I feel like soo much has happened and yet VERY little has actually been accomplished. I almost feel like I've somehow lost something important along the way. I didn't realize this until a few nights ago. You see, a few nights ago is also about the same time that I hit some of the final brick walls that I can go up against in trying to prepare for this trip. Not the final walls in the sense of the worst is behind and it's just a steady trek to the top left to go. As badly as I wish for that to be the case, it's sadly not the case at all right now.
There's been so many times in these last couple of months, where I've fought, struggled, tried, talked, e-mailed, called, visited, passed out flyers, asked, showed, explained, etc. just to have my wheels spin in place. But, I've kept at it b/c the World Race is what I feel called to do and it's EVERYTHING I could ever want or need in a trip! But, as I've said many times since this whole thing began, I can't do it on my own! (If you'd like to help, tax-deductable donations can be made by clicking on the tab to the left.) Sometimes, it's like I'm talking to a brick wall… I'm really tired of having all these ppl around me talk the talk but refuse to walk the walk when I actually need them. I'm tired of always being there for ppl and giving w/e I can (time, money, advice, etc) to help them out, but the sec. I need something or want to plan something, there's suddenly very few to be found. Love me or hate me, I don't care, but at the end of the day I'll ALWAYS be one of the most honest & sincere ppl you'll ever meet! Hands down! It just stinks when so many ppl, particularly those who call themselves Christians, are little more than liars and hypocrites! (obv. not all or even most ppl, but it's upsetting when there should be none and I come across more and more all the time. also, for the record, this isn't geared towards any one person) Those are the exact attributes that turn ppl away from both Christianity and churches in general. That's one of many things that I realize now more than ever before, and it's a really really sad thing to say. In fact, it makes me sick to my stomach some of the things I've seen/heard myself, particularly lately, as well as what I've heard over the years thru the stories of others. In my opinion, clicks and hypocrisies have NO business in a church! And the fact that ppl in several churches just that I personally have talked to myself, have the mindset of "inner circle and long-time members Vs. outsiders, both believers and non-beliers alike" is horrific to me! Churches are supposed to be the most accepting places to go not the most standoffish, etc.
The last few days, I've finally hit the point I never wanted or thought I'd hit regarding this journey… honestly, it kills to think that it might be over before it even really begins. This is an all too familiar feeling I've had a couple times these last few years, and I hate every single bit of it! I know miracles happen everyday, and outside of some big financial miracles happening in the very near future, I'm not sure how much longer I can continue. Please, if you can contribute in anyway to helping fund this great mission, click on the "donate" tab to the left. Regardless of whether I meet my financial goals in time or not, your money goes to the same great cause. Either way, every dollar u give helps ppl throughout the world in more ways u can possibly imagine! Most ppl in the world live off of only a couple dollars a day, and most ppl in America spend more than that on one piece of food, clothing, or toy and often buy several pieces at a time. If a bunch of ppl just donate the equivalent of a cup of coffee every week and/or one tank of gas a month for every month I'm gone, you wouldn't believe how fast things can add up! Seriously! You know ur gonna buy those things anyway, much of which u prob. don't even need, so wouldn't u rather pay the same amount of money to help save the physical, emotional, and spiritual lives of men, women, and children all over the world?! All I'm asking is that u don't turn a blind eye or closed ear to ppl who are in such desperate need of food, shelter, love, hope, and most of all a personal relationship with the creator of the universe! For those that are interested, I'm also still trying to sell partylite candles and t-shirts to raise money as well… do ur part to help give food to the hungry, shelter to the homeless, love to the neglected, hope to the nations, and the saving knowledge of our Lord to countless… join in the fight to give voices to the voiceless! Support me and other missionaries around the world today! Thanks!
