4/14/11 with a few additions on 4/19/11
Some of the random lyrics that have been speaking to me lately:
"I'm not the shoes I wear, I'm not the clothes buy, I'm not the house I live in, I'm not the car I drive. I'm not the job I work you, you can't define my worth. B/c my identity is found in Christ"
"So I swallow my pride, empowered by God, I'm complete in Him."
"In Christ she is loved. She's secure and accepted."
"Gimme dat Bible… Gimme that fire, gimme that flame"
A disconnect meaning that I apparently have a knack for war zones and dangerous places. I've always wanted to help as many ppl in as many places as possible throughout the world. For some reason, this usually entails going to places that others think is scary or dangerous. They often don't understand why, think I'm crazy, or fear for my safety. There's a disconnect btw my brain and theirs that I largely can't really explain.
In talking with someone a few days ago, I was told "well, that's all well and good that u wanna go on these trips around the world and all, but you really need to get plugged in around here." What this person and others often can't seem to understand is THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M CALLED TO DO!!!!! I get that I should be more involved in this particular area while I'm here, more like while I was growing up, I completely understand the perspective of certain ppl regarding a certain situation and I completely expected that type of reaction. BUT… AT THE SAME TIME…
Whether I love it or hate it, like it or need it… whether it's short-term or long-term… whether it's planned or completely unexpected… IT DOESN'T MATTER! At the end of the day, this area will ALWAYS be my first home, have a big part of my heart, considered the place I was born and raised so therefore its core to who I am… BUT, it's now always just a layover until the next venture I'm called to. I've never thought, wanted, planned, or expected to be here permanently! I've AWLAYS had a heart for the nations, a heart for working with kids, a heart for helping ppl wherever/however possible. I've always been the girl that tries to make others happy and hopeful… even when I can't always make myself happy first. I've always had hope, and at times, that's about all I've felt like I had. Basically, an "I know things will get better eventually. I just don't know when and wish it wouldn't take so long to get here" type of attitude. An "I know everything happens for a reason and I'll never be given more than i can bare, I just wish He didn't trust me to bare so much" type of attitude. A "this is hard and frustrating, but I KNOW something good will eventually come from it. It HAS to b/c otherwise I have NO IDEA how I'll make it thru or how things will turn around" type of attitude. But, like I said, I've ALWAYS had a hope and a sense of peace that the Lord alone can bring. Praise God!!!
That's why my heart breaks for ppl who go thru hard, sometimes horrible things, and don't have that same sense of hope or peace. There's a disconnect btw my brain and theirs, and I just don't get it… I don't know what it's like to not have that unexplainable sense of peace during hard times and overwhelming joy during good times. Likewise, they can have no idea what it feels like to have that sense of peace and joy that I've experienced. But I want to help them get on the right path to receiving it. Loving & helping ppl is in my nature, and not only that, I believe it's also part of being a Christian. Regardless of it's orphans that have never known love, young girls used and abused while working in bars or on street corners every night, or "everyday" ppl that I come across in my day to day life. Helping ppl, loving ppl, spreading the good news of Christ, etc. isn't a responsibility to be checked off some sort of "Christianly-duty list" it's supposed to be a core part of who we are and just a natural part of the way we live.
a few more thoughts on that and a "hypo-Christianity" video here:
http://robintaylor.theworldrace.org/?filename=hypochristianity
