Define:Raw
– Not having undergone processes of preparing, dressing, finishing, refining, or manufacture.
– Unnaturally or painfully exposed.
– Painfully open, as a sore or wound.
– Crude in quality or character; raw humor.
Urban Dictionary
– An adjective describing something completely hardcore and awesome; anything truly amazing and cool; anything tight in the ultimate way.
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I could hardly contain my excitement the 2 weeks leading up to launch. I had a few last minute things to get, phone calls to make and packing to do. Less than 2 weeks and I'd be on my way to Ireland. I kept thinking about how I couldn't believe it was real.
But then . . .
Two days before I leave, raw stupid (Definition 4. Raw –Crude in quality or character😉 decided to pay me a visit and see how many things on my 'to do' list he could prevent me from accomplishing. I must say, he did an excellent job: this raw stupid somehow convinced ‘simple’ to challenge ‘difficult’ in difficulty, urging difficult to outdo itself by becoming impossible. If that last sentence didn’t make sense … well, I’ll just say:
Definition 3.Raw – Painfully open, as a sore or wound:
>My nose is raw from blowing it.
>My eyes are raw from wiping the constant tears.
>My hands are raw from packing and unpacking so many times.
>My throat is raw from that awful dry lump that comes with suppressed tears.
Definition 2. Raw –Unnaturally or painfully exposed:
>My heart is raw. I didn't realize how difficult it would be to say goodbye to my family. It aches terribly.
>My emotions are raw from the countless amount of times I cried out to God in the past two days telling Him that I changed my mind; I don't want to leave my family.
>My mind is raw from the rattling of all the things I needed to do and all the things I still need to do that I will not be able to.
I don’t know what I’m going to do or how I’m going to survive, but …
I'd honestly have it no other way.
Yesterday, when I arrived at the airport, I could feel it. It was intense! I had been completely striped raw, physically (Raw – Painfully open, as a sore or wound), emotionally & spiritually (Raw –Unnaturally or painfully exposed.). It hurts! I sat for 4 and ½ hours before others began to arrive. I sat silent. I sat still. I was hurting; I was hurting bad. I found relief in my pain and uncomfortable comfort in my vulnerable state. I had been striped completely raw. There was nothing left. Tears were gone. I was numb but could feel SO much. I had taken one step closer to ready. Yes to ready.
In a few short days I will be headed to Ireland and from there, 10+ other countries. I’m about to have a raw experience (had to pull out the urban dictionary: Raw – An adjective describing something completely hardcore and awesome; anything truly amazing and cool; anything tight in the ultimate way) and encounter raw people (Definition 2.Raw –Not having undergone processes of preparing, dressing, finishing, refining, or manufacture.).
I have a raw peace that assures me that I will be alright.
I'm not ready but I'm so ready!
With that being said, I apologize if this doesn’t make sense and for obnoxiously over using the word 'raw' … I’m sleep-typing but wanted to post this since I will be without my computer for the next 2 days.
