FYI…This is long and I am writing this segment on the way home from spending time with my brother and dad at the ranch…always a great time and a peaceful place for pondering life.
Looking back before I started this trip, I never thought I was in dire need of learning these simple, yet hard to attain truths about ME. But through intense community- I would have the opportunity at hand. Now with everything, you can either take or leave it, right? So, I took it. Being me, I fought this community idea till the end of the race. I was going to be broken, stretched, and then able to grow in front of some incredible men and women of God. It was hard to do all of this in front of people daily. Humiliating in a sense and honoring in the other sense. I would venture to say that before this trip, I had always been a guy who could take care of himself, claiming that I didn’t “need” people- though I would be okay if you needed me, and honestly not really having the desire to be around people 24-7. Seriously, what was I thinking when I signed up for this trip? Man, did this year ever change these false judgments of myself.
I can’t deny it now- I yearn for community since I have been home. It is a bit startling that I actually admit this to you. I don’t look back in life and say that I missed these things before this year, but more in the realm of “I wasn’t prepared to learn.” So, here we go with a common phrase of the year, which I rarely claimed…”Christ took me out to bring me back in.” If you are wondering exactly I am implying in this statement it is, that He (Christ) had to take me out of “my reality” to show me His reality! Why I didn’t claim it is because I am cautious to just blurt out phrases and words because honestly, they hold intense power and I wasn’t ready for those words (obviously I am now).
I came with the expectations that I would be able to meet great people, enjoy life, and go along the race without really entering into an intimate relationship(s). These were my breakdowns- opening up to people so they could enter into my life- of course that doesn’t mean that I didn’t love people. There haven’t been many people who I have just come clean with in my last 24 years because of numerous reasons, but a few were because I was afraid of someone actually knowing all my fears, joys, hopes, desires, dreams, hurts, past mistakes, etc. and that in the end…they really wouldn’t love me for who I was (with my good and bad qualities). A LIE FROM SATAN! For years, I have allowed this lie to control my inner thoughts and in return, I never really have been able to know someone because I wouldn’t allow them to know me.
I entered into this race already knowing Nate, a man of God. We met a few years ago at T Bar M (Best Christian Sports Camp in this world). Nate and I weren’t best buddies, but to have him on the race at the start was a comfort. Well, little did I know that God would do some incredible things between him and I. He and Eli (who I will get to in a separate blog) will always be the two men God used in 2008 to get my attention in a lot of “unknown”- but needed to know areas in my life.
So, if you question if the Lord hears you at anytime…I break that lie off of you in the name of Jesus because your Father in Heaven always hears you. You will never know how He will answer you. Never stop praying…
Nate loves intimacy with people (amazing quality), the passion that he has for people blows me away- but more than that, the passion and depth he desires with other guys- to encourage, rebuke, love, grow together in truth, and to experience Christ in new ways-truly is a gift. The Lord used Nate at the start in Peru to pull me out of not opening up and just being me. Many a times we had to go through this one sided talk- where he would talk and talk and I would be silent and have no desire to talk because it was abnormal to be open like this- but he never gave up even when the enemy would tell him to. Nate pushed and shoved until I broke- and folks…it was some ugly fights- but thank God for those moments. We have walked through a lot of battles and finished in some amazing victories, but one thing that has become stronger between us through all of this (in my opinion)…is the brotherly love for one another. Through this community, it broke me free of not holding myself to accountability with another male, being able to release everything that I bottle up, and to look past each other after everything is said and done and be able to love (agape love), which comes from the Lord himself. (Now, there several more things that I could explain with what the Lord has done between him and me- but I hope you can respect and understand that it is for our friendship to continue and grow- plus it is too much to write).
This is encouragement for Nate Evans : My brother, a huge encouragement to me this past year. To see you come from Nate Evans into Nate CHRIST Evans even deeper… will always be in the data base of my world race memories till I’m old and gray. :>) Nate is fire, he hears the Lord so clear and vivid… a quality that he possesses so wonderfully. He is learning still- WE always will be learning. He is learning the gifts that the Lord has given him-but learning with grace and humility (which everyone needs more of). The spirit of the Living God resides in you Nate Evans- NEVER forget that dude. You function in your supernatural more proficiently than you realize (sound familiar). Continue to seek Christ on your knees every single day. Without a doubt, I can call you my brother, a life long friend, and a man of God. (The memories of you and I alone from this year could write a book- you have encouraged me to step up and be the man that Christ has called me to be consistently- for that, I am grateful beyond words). All the talks that we shared with one another, the moments shared when the Spirit of God showed up, all these and more will never be forgotten and I hope you don’t forget either. I am excited to see you and I work together in the near future for Christ! Remember who you are now, the soft heart in you, yet a warrior’s heart. I am here for you, like I told you many times before- I will always fight with you through anything as long as I walk this earth. Be strong and courageous. Love you my brother!
To my faithful readers- what I am trying to tell you is this-the revelation of Christ through communiity and men of God this past year, has brought light into darkness in such a deep and profound way. Through this new discovery, I am able to love deeper and wider my family, friends, future wife and children, and to now share and bring light to other men who battle these lies. Having someone hold you accountable about everything is needed- it is truth..and it prevails. To be surrounded with fellow brothers or sisters who “get” you when the world doesn’t is needed…it prevails. Christ was surrounded by his buddies (disciples) all the time… He prevailed. Obviously it is going to be crucial for me to live with people in intense community the rest of my life and I don’t know what this looks like yet, but I know in the right season of my life, the Lord will reveal it to me.
“As Iron sharpens Iron” –Proverbs 27:17
Striving to be more and more like Him,
Robby
