I didn’t know this until now, but today was really my last step of getting rid of a major past fear, issue, failure, that I had let run my life until this past May. Rummaging through my clothes, shoes, papers, and books, etc. I noticed that this would not be easy.
Let me brief you on why today was difficult. You see, I went to College with the mindset of hopefully being a Doctor in Pediatric Oncology. Growing up, I
wanted to work with children and medicine together…it was/is intriguing. In my sophmore year of college, after my paw-paw had a stroke, I would go visit him and observe the Doctors and Nurses and I noticed a lot. Lots what I didn’t like from the doctors. One day, I thought to myself, “I really don’t want to loose this passion of helping people in me because I will be so concerned with being sued, or wanting to get paid more for what I do, and also the potential of turning my patients into “objects to take care of…” The nurses grabbed my attention. Their joy, attitudes, and relationships we built with them changed my perspective for medicine and people. In those days, I decided to go into Nursing School to be an RN. I was accepted by Gods grace and upon entering school I had a lot of fears that were completly hidden from the world- I may have looked confident on the outside, but I wasn’t at all. I was more afraid than anything…afraid of failing, because my whole life I had called myself “dumb and stupid” for reasons that aren’t needed to express through here. Test were always hard for me in school, I freaked out, and I never told myself I was smart and could do this, it was just…
wanted to work with children and medicine together…it was/is intriguing. In my sophmore year of college, after my paw-paw had a stroke, I would go visit him and observe the Doctors and Nurses and I noticed a lot. Lots what I didn’t like from the doctors. One day, I thought to myself, “I really don’t want to loose this passion of helping people in me because I will be so concerned with being sued, or wanting to get paid more for what I do, and also the potential of turning my patients into “objects to take care of…” The nurses grabbed my attention. Their joy, attitudes, and relationships we built with them changed my perspective for medicine and people. In those days, I decided to go into Nursing School to be an RN. I was accepted by Gods grace and upon entering school I had a lot of fears that were completly hidden from the world- I may have looked confident on the outside, but I wasn’t at all. I was more afraid than anything…afraid of failing, because my whole life I had called myself “dumb and stupid” for reasons that aren’t needed to express through here. Test were always hard for me in school, I freaked out, and I never told myself I was smart and could do this, it was just…“Robby your dumb and stupid and you won’t amount to much.”
In a year and a half through Nursing- that fear became a reality by 1 point. I missed one more than I should have on my final test which had the consequence of me being kicked out. It was another defeat and I just started to give up completly about myself. These thoughts almost ruined so much of who I was as a person…it affected everything of me..confidence, my love for people, my trust, the list goes on and on…
Today though- I am proud to say I am a new man in Christ- I believe in myself now like no other, I love like no other, I will trust like no other- I am Robby because of Christ in me and His all consuming fire that has and is and will always burn everything away that is not of Him in me…these last 2 1/2 years of my life have been incredible and no words can describe the victory!
My main mission today was to clear out the past forever! I looked and saw TONS of papers, books, etc. of nursing…the voices started coming back as I looked at those books for nursing…”You see, Robby- told you. You were dumb and stupid, and still are!” Man, it was hard- looking through these papers, the time I put in, the money I put in and still am, the memories and voices creeped in like a flood- but today I stopped them from running over me again because I claimed victory over my life in May and believe that God is bigger than a thought and so I told those voices to leave and then I burnt it all!
This was part of my victory I didn’t know I needed to do until I did it…it is complete freedom and now- I will walk more into my destiny…I am a Son of God!
On my last run to burn, this verse was stuck on the bar which read…”I am with you and watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land, I will not leave you until I have what I have promised” Genesis 28:15
