Not getting to have them at all.
It’s no surprise that good-bye’s suck. We all have to do them at some point, but recently I was reminded that as much as good-bye’s suck, not getting to say good-bye is by far worse.
9 years ago this year I lost my mom suddenly. I woke up at 7am and she was alive and taking care of my little sister, and 30 minutes later she had passed in my dad’s arms. I didn’t know that the last time I would see her had already passed. I can’t even tell you what she said to me or me to her. It’s all a blur. I didn’t get to say good-bye. I didn’t get to remind her that, despite being a selfish and spoiled teenager, I loved her more than anything. It was gut wrenching and a struggle to work through, even now, almost 9 years later.
We have been on the race for 10 months, and I was recently reminded of the pain that exists in not getting to say good-bye. Yesterday one of my best friends, sister really, on this journey had to cut her race short. She flew home to pursue her health after being sick for too long. She chased after God in everything she did. She left her heart open daily for Him to come in and show her all that He had for her that day. She constantly worked toward serving others and being a shoulder to those in need.
I can’t express how proud of her I am. But I miss her. I miss not getting to have long talks with her on travel days. I hate that proper “good-byes” and “see ya laters” couldn’t have been had. I miss the goofy ways she constantly kept me laughing. She was one of the best parts of this journey for me. Good times, bad times, crying, laughing, struggling, confessing, and keeping each other accountable. I, selfishly, wish she could be here to talk to me about her being gone. She was that person for me. But now that she’s home and I’m here, I was reminded that we don’t always have tomorrow with those we love. And even though she isn’t dead, just at home in America, I still wish that I had always made time to tell her how important she was to me. I wish there wasn’t a sinking feeling reminding me that there was so much more to tell her before we parted ways. But I can’t get that time back. I can’t take back the 8 hours I got with her in the last 8 weeks to remind her of how great and important she and her friendship is to me.
But you can. You can tell your mom, dad, friend, uncle, granma…ect., that you love them and how much they mean to you. You don’t have to experience the same thing I have been through right now. So, go. Tell them. Hug them. Don’t wait for the time to pass and regret to set in.
We only have now. You only have now.
Luckily, I will get to see Melissa in 4 months at a friends wedding. But I won’t ever get time to see my mom.
Don’t waste time because it’s awkward. Don’t miss out because of fear. Don’t take those people and relationships you cherish for granted. You may get a second chance, but you may not, so don’t tempt it.
