This morning in Vietnam I sat, my Bible in front of me, as this season end rapidly approaches. And I reflected on a lot of things about the race. Who I was at the beginning? Who I am now? The memorable moments that I will never forget for the rest of my life. How amazing this life can be with Yahweh right by my side. And then, the question that I had to sit on for a while; what’s the difference between the end of last race and the end of this one?
The second half of my race was a wilderness time for me. It seemed as though Yahweh had left me. It felt like I was in the spiritual equivalent of the Atacama Desert. I was so thirsty and desperate for Him. It was so easy and natural to seek him desperately because I couldn’t feel Him. And nothing in this world would’ve distracted me from finding Him. I started to come out of the desert as I prepared to Squad Lead again. I could feel His presence! I could hear from Him again! It was amazing! I enjoyed the beginning of this season and it felt like I was in paradise and nothing could get me to leave His side. He was the essence of my life, not just a part of it! I wanted Him and nothing else would do.
And now, as I sit here and reflect on that amazing time, I ask myself one more question: where is that desperation and seeking after Him? Have I, somehow, let the things of this world come between us again? How did this happen? I felt like I was in paradise-with Him glued to my side. But now, I feel distant; at least comparably I do.
“I slept but my heart was awake. A sound! My beloved is knocking. ‘Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my perfect one, for my head is wet with dew, my locks with the drops of the night.’ I had put off my garment; how could I put it on? I had bathed my feet; how could I soil them? My beloved put his hand to the latch and my heart was thrilled within me. I arose to my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with liquid myrrh, on the handles of the bolt. I opened to my beloved, but my beloved had turned and gone. My soul failed me when he spoke. I sought him, but found him not; I called him, but he gave no answer.” Song of Solomon 5:2-6
This couple had been intimate. They were married and they enjoyed each other. But complacency had set in, in this bride’s heart. She let small insignificant things creep in and they turned her heart, that was on fire with love, just a bit colder. She had taken off her robe, how could she put it back on? She had already taken a shower, how could she soil her feet?
Does any of that matter in comparison to the love that is experienced in a marriage? No way!
But that’s not the end of the story. She searches with great intensity to find her husband. And when she finds him, they enjoy their love again. But that’s the cycle we can so easily find ourselves in, in any relationship.
As I sit here this morning, I realize that I’ve let some little things come in and distract me. He’s not the essence of my life right now; He’s just a part of it. My heart failed when He knocked. I don’t see Him at the door anymore. But I won’t get back in bed. I’ll stay up all night searching for Him if I have to!
Here’s the question: what are my spirtual robe and washed feet? What are the things I allow to stop me from getting out of bed? Are they worth it?
I recently saw a quote from Steph Curry that said, “Train like you’re in second. Play like you’re in first.” My spiritual equivalent is, “Seek Him like I’m in the desert and enjoy Him like I’m in Paradise.” The things of this life are trying to turn me away from Him everyday. I want those things to become like nothing-as if they were dead-to me in comparison to His love.
Father, thank you for changing my heart and for the work you’ve started in me. Thank you that you promise to complete that work. Change my heart, even today, so that I can love you more! I want to seek you like I’m in the desert and enjoy you like I’m in paradise!
