Why am I so scared of you? Why do I avoid you as if you are the plague? You are violent. You are truthful. You scare me. No, you terrify me! I’ll fill my schedule with anything to avoid bumping into you. Please, don’t come looking for me! I’ve given you a chance and you leave me wounded every time! Why are you like this? But why do I feel like I need you? Why do I keep crawling back to you when things get too overwhelming?
Silence.
Sometimes quiet is violent.
Silence is vulnerable.
It knows me and never holds back the truth.
Its weapon of choice is a mirror.
It’s scary. No, terrifying! And that’s the truth!
It’s engrained in the Western lifestyle to constantly be busy, loud, and entertained. This inadvertantly, is an escape from the violence of silence. And I’m not just talking about external noise. I’m an introvert. I’m a deep thinker; meaning my thoughts run deep and long and wide. And I love that part of me. External silence is comfortable. But internal silence…that’s my weaknesses! My thoughts are powerful, convincing, alluring and worst of all, they’re much more comfortable than internal silence.
This is a struggle that has been highlighted on the Race: when I sit in internal silence, I know I’ll get a glimpse of who I actually am. Silence is honest; brutally honest. It doesn’t pull it’s punches! I’ve chosen silence this year more than I normally would. I’ve chosen the mirror. And because of that, I’ve chosen to hear the truth: I’m a deeply broken person living in a deeply broken world. It runs deeper than I’d like to admit. And, to be honest, I don’t always like the person I see on the other side of that mirror. But I’d rather choose reality than fantasy! And that’s when God steps in and says something to the effect of,
“I LOVE that broken person in the mirror. I LOVE him so much that I died to give him a chance to have a relationship with me. Do you think I didn’t know who you’d be right now? Do you think I’m surprised? Not at all! I want you to look into MY mirror. Go ahead! What do you see?”
And you know what I saw? Perfection. I saw Christ.
“How can you see Him when we both know the reflection in silence’s mirror is true?!”
“Sure. But you know what? That mirror is broken. I’ve already started to destroy it! And when I finish the job, no matter what mirror you look in, you’ll only see Him. But that’s going to take some work. And I’m not interested in doing it all for you. I want to work with you. Are you up for it? I can show you how!”
And that’s the ONLY reason I’m willing to face the violence of silence; I have the promise of a fixed mirror! I know I’m not strong enough to embrace my brokenness on my own! And why would I? If this life is all there is, I don’t have time to waste it digging into how bad of a person I am. But if what Yahweh says is true, why wouldn’t I? I don’t have time not to!
No matter where we are in life, no matter what we’ve done, and no matter who we see in the mirror; He’s there inviting us to look into both mirrors and giving us hope of what He will do if only we surrender. He loves us and He sees us for who we truly are and He loves us anyway. That’s who Yahweh is! I don’t understand or deserve this love, but He says I’m enough and I’ll take it!
Now it’s your turn. Will you choose busyness, noise, and entertainment? Or will you choose silence? If you choose the violence of silence you will be hurt and your brokenness will be revealed. But there’s a freedom and wholeness on the other side. No comfort in this world can compare to seeing our brokenness and knowing and believing that we’re loved regardless. That love is transformative! That love is radical! That love is worth facing the violence of silence! I’ll take the mirror if it means I can experience more of it! And I hope you choose the same!
