My new leadership team is amazing! We’ve spent the first few days in South Africa doing some team bonding, resting, preparing, and vision casting. And the Lord has used it in incredible ways. He’s brought about a more cohesive atmosphere, healing, and knowledge of ourselves and each other. My team is two amazing women, Cortnie Robbins and Amy Cook, and I. Part of what God has done during this time we’ve had together is create a safe space that has been crucial for healing.
As a part of this healing I felt the need to write this letter:
To whom it may concern,
I’m so sorry for all the hurt you’ve experienced from men in your life! I’m so sorry that we haven’t stepped up and been the godly men of courage we’re called to be. I’m so sorry if I’ve added to that pain. And if I’ve hurt you through my words, actions, passivity, leveraging my power and strength, or carelessness-I apologize. I take full responsibility for my actions and how they may have affected you.
You are beautiful creations; created to reflect the Creator emotionally, intellectually, socially, spiritually, and physically. And I purposefully put, ‘physically’ last on that list because, in general, it usually makes it to the top of that list. But you are SO much more than that. I’m so sorry that men in your life have animalistically reduced your humanity to physical appearance and pressured you to look a certain way. And I’m definitely not saying it’s all men’s fault that that’s the case. But I am apologizing for the part we played in encouraging it.
I’m so sorry for the toxic prolonged boyhood that plagues our society; men and women alike. I’m so sorry for the oppression you’ve felt from that. It’s so real! And it breaks my heart that you may have gone your entire life with little to no interactions with a godly man of courage who loved and encouraged you the way Christ does.
It’s a reality. And it sucks. It literally sucks. Boys who can shave have so much potential to suck life from those around them. But here’s another reality: men have so much potential to bring life to those around them. We were created to be powerful. Where we use that power makes all the difference!
Women, you’ve been hurt by men in your life who have leveraged their power in their favor. You’ve been oppressed and have suffered the consequences of that. I cannot express how much that hurts the Father. It hurts me and brings me to tears knowing that I may have played a role in that oppression. And you have the freedom to respond in any way you wish. You can get your revenge and take it out on men around you. You can do that. But I promise you this: that won’t help you heal. That won’t stop future oppression. Learn from our mistakes. Please don’t become oppressors yourselves. But instead, choose forgiveness.
Women, you were created with a special kind of power that men don’t have. You were created with the power to help men in ways that they cannot help themselves. We NEED you during this time! The biggest question that a man asks himself-whether he’s man enough to admit it or not-is this: do I have what it takes to be a man? And especially in America, where’s there’s no right of passage for a boy to become a man, the lines are blurred. We reach for boyish things to try and answer this question.
Here’s a pattern I’ve noticed in this broken world:
1. Men are passive leaders (because we don’t think we have what it takes to be a man).
2. Strong women step into that leadership role instead of encouraging and empowering men to step up and do their part.
3. Strong women tell men by their actions and words that they don’t believe they have what it takes.
4. Men believe even more that they can’t do it and throw in the towel.
5. Repeat step 1.
Women, you are strong and capable! We, as men, aren’t asking you to step down because you are in any way inferior or incapable. You are equal and capable! You might even be more capable than a man. But as much as we need you women, you also need us. We were created to need each other. We’re asking you to step down and help boost us up. Instead of looking down on us, encourage us. Because deep down under all that testosterone and facades, we don’t know we have what it takes. We need a strong woman, with a God-given power to tell us that we do. And when you do that, that man will feel some kind of super strength that he’s never experienced before! He’ll step into his role with authority. He becomes an empowered and encouraged man, father, protector, provider, lover, teacher husband, and so much more! We need men like that in this world. And men like that need women behind them encouraging them and helping them each step of the way. That does not mean you’re weak! It actually, is the antithesis. It means you’re strong! Keep being strong! We need and love you!
