Wait, what? Me?
Serve as a Squad Leader?
I’ve never had a leadership role like that before.
Do people even see me like that?
Am I equipped to lead the entire squad?
These thoughts flew through my mind when our alumni Squad Leaders, Hana Beth and Charmagne, asked me to step into the role of Squad Leader once they leave the field at the end of February. As I prayed and processed through their invitation, I realized the Lord was also inviting me to wrestle with a few fears I’ve held onto for too long.
First – Coming on the World Race, I never in a million years would have expected to be asked to serve in a leadership role. I was actually praying at Training Camp that I wouldn’t be asked to be a Team Leader, and was more than happy to take a behind-the-scenes role as Treasurer for our team. This is how I was comfortable leading and serving in the past – in ways that make a big difference, but are not front and center. And now I’m being asked to step into a role that is the most front and center – not just leading a team of 7, but leading our entire squad of 48. Intimidated is the best word to describe how I felt. But why am I intimidated if I know that God gives me everything I need?
Second – I tend to defer to RJ whenever it comes to leadership or stepping out in boldness. I love how RJ leads. He “never meets a stranger”, cares deeply for people, and is a natural encourager. Over our ten years of being together, it has been way easier for me just to take a back seat and let him do the leading. Even on the World Race, he was selected as our Team Leader at training camp, and I was so happy to support him in that role. But when they asked us to be squad leaders, HB and Charmagne made sure to separate us in their question. They asked me and then they asked RJ. They EMPHASIZED that they wouldn’t have asked us if they didn’t see leadership qualities in each of us individually. That really meant a lot to me. Throughout the WR, I have been trying to find my voice and identity separate from RJ. Yes, we are one flesh and a team, but I am also an individual, and I have strengths and gifts that are different from his. These gifts are what stood out to HB, Charmagne, and our Squad’s leadership team. Why am I worrying about what people see me as when I know who God says I am?
Third – I thought a lot about how this decision would change our World Race experience. We would no longer be on a team of 7, we would not be connected with a specific ministry and host in each country, we would travel more, etc. One of the main things that attracted me to the Race was getting to dive into ministry in each country and form relationships with hosts and the people in the community. As a squad leader, yes I will still do ministry with the team I am visiting, but it won’t be MY host or MY ministry. Would I be okay with that? Would I feel like I am missing out on my race? But what am I afraid of “missing out” on when I know that God wants the best for me?
After praying and talking with RJ about the decision, we decided to accept the invitation to become squad leaders – individually. I know that God has specifically called me into this role, and although it will be challenging and stretching for me, I am excited for how He will continue to grow me. I know my WR is going to look different than I thought, but that is exactly what I have learned so far on the race – to surrender MY plans and MY desires to God’s will. It is His will that I would love and serve my squad in this role. If I had given into my fleshly desire for comfort and stability then I would have been selling myself short and missing out on what God has for me in this season.
I said in Month 1 that I wanted to grow in boldness when it comes to relationships with squad-mates. I have always struggled to be the one that steps out and engages people in relationship. I tend to shy away from this kind of vulnerability. But as I step into this new season, I refuse to let that struggle define me. My ministry is serving our squad. My main focus is caring for my squad-mates and lifting them up spiritually and emotionally. I am choosing everyday to pour into others and learn from their experiences and perspectives. I can already see how I am growing and have been so encouraged by conversations I have had in the past two weeks spending time with people that I hadn’t had a chance to get to know yet. I am ready to see what this unexpected adventure within an adventure holds.
