This is long, weirdly detailed, and a little messy but it’s my “out loud” processing, so keep reading if you want to see inside my head the past few days 🙂
Wednesday: I found out that other volunteers were cutting their trips short due to the virus and were heading home asap. I realized I needed to make a choice, and quick. Either stay and take the risk or go home. I talked to my parents on the phone and we decided to look at flights. At 1 am I found out I was leaving in less than 2 days.
Thursday: I had worked the night before, only getting a couple hours of sleep, then had to start to packing. I spent all day boxing up the little home I had made for myself, trying to remember I would hopefully be back soon. I got a “last supper” lunch with all my new friends as we chatted about what we would do to keep ourselves busy during our next 2 weeks of isolation. I got my last thai drink and told my drink lady i’d miss her but see her again. I went to work for the evening just to do my last nighttime routine with the babies and toddlers. I kissed them and told them I loved them, some kissed back and said “bye bye Mae Lisa!!” I said bye to my favorite nannies who had loved me so well over the past 3 months it felt like I had known them my whole life. I finished packing and got a few hours of asleep before my flight the next day.
Friday: I got up early and packed away the last few things, saying goodbye to my second little home and headed to the airport, many bags in hand. I got through check-in and security and made my way to the gate, holding back tears sometimes as I watched moms carrying around their babies, wishing I could hold mine. My first flight was to Taiwan where I then waited for my next one to Chicago, in a sea of blue masks, thermometers, and hand sanitizer. After a few hours I hopped on my second plane where after 13 hours I landed in Chicago.
It’s now Saturday at 1 am as I am in the airport waiting for my next flight to Roanoke. Trying to sleep, but my body is still on Thai time so mostly just wasting time. I was really nervous to be back in the states because last year when I got home from the race I remember the gutting feeling of not being surrounded by the people I was used to. I remember crying a lot because “all Americans were mean to me” which for the most part was pretty true last time. Fortunately, this time the Lord surrounded me with good people who gave me hope in falling in love with my own country the way I can so easily do in others. He even gave me a seat buddy on my long flight who looked exactly like my mom haha!
It all happened so fast I haven’t really had time to process or think. I’ve felt a little numb through it all, just trying to get everything done and get where I needed to be. I know that I will go back, hopefully sooner than later, but I just couldn’t help but feel that I was abandoning them all. I feel confident the Lord has brought me home for a reason, even if I don’t really feel like its right, right now.
Before I left one of my friends from Canada said “I have homework for you during your 2 week quarantine, write down things you love about America and send them to me.” I thought it was silly at first but now I think this partly why I’m home. I don’t even love the own country I come from and I think God has more to say about why I should. So my next blog will be why I love America even when I think I don’t. Stay tuned.
Thanks for all the prayers and love, I have felt so incredibly cared for and supported throughout it all. Hope to catch up with everyone once this crazy time has come to a settle. (:
