Currently sitting in Starbucks. Starbucks in Penang, Malaysia. I am in Malaysia!! I think I still don’t fully understand the simple reality that I am across the world. The WorldRace so far has definitely been a life altering adventure. Reflecting on life abroad has been such a gift, but it’s also been hard.
What I learned in Chiang Mai:
I have a had a couple of people reach out to me asking where my next blog is and every time I have been asked this question I hear in my head “I have no clue where it is”.
Processing– processing month two has been so weird- to be vulnerable leaving the Philippines hit me WAY harder than I expected. I thought I could hop one month to the next but leaving a ministry and a place where I felt so at home and purposeful, to land in a place where ministry was up in the air (ATL- explained in last post) and to intentionally rely on the Lord for direction was hard. As a Christian, especially at home, I like to say I am constantly led by the Lord. I believe He truly guides my steps, but I also know I don’t always take the path He is presenting me with. Even when I don’t take His path, I know He can and does redefine the path I do take for His glory and that He is with me. Throughout this pattern though, I have realized that instead of always listening to how He wants me to serve Him, I have redefined this for my way- my way to serve the Lord is what I can physically to for Him. That consists of construction, building relationships, playing with kids, etc; I feel I best serve the Lord through loving others through my actions. While that is truly important- being in relation with the Lord is being obedient in all directions He leads you.
I was exposed to this last month. My ministry was to strictly rely on Him, it was not based on what I could do but to simply be obedient. We had other teams that went off to construction (something I see purposeful and something I am capable of doing that offers immediate gratification), we had teams teaching English, and while my team had time in the ‘RLD’, our main focus was to pray through the streets of Chiang Mai.
I struggled with this, but I also saw where the Lord was placing me and how this was so crucial for my walk with Him. The Lord stripped the ways I thought I could serve Him well and placed me in a ministry where I simply had to just listen and be with Him. This isn’t something I’m obviously used to. I am used to doing my thing and reflecting later on how the Lord’s hand was within each story. I have this really bad habit of mentally putting things in boxes that I don’t feel like I can handle. So, at the beginning of this month I put the Philippines in a box, I put home in a box, and I even put God in a box- out of sight out of mind. I didn’t know how to comprehend leaving my home in the Philippines and didn’t want to talk with family because they wanted to know ‘what I was up to’, and I couldn’t surrender it over to the Lord because thinking about all of it brought me to tears. This quickly imploded on me when I realized I wasn’t keeping up relation with my girls from the Philippines well, I wasn’t updating home well, and I felt like my relationship with God was going backwards. All these things I was doing to myself instead of allowing myself to grieve through what I was leaving, surrendering it over, to truly be grateful for what I was leaving and grateful for what was coming.
In this, I didn’t have a good grip on where my feet were. I wasn’t doing a good job of being in Chiang Mai, I couldn’t talk to people back home about what life looked like in Thailand because I couldn’t even process the fact that I had left the Philippines. Throughout all of this confusion, God is still so sweet because He was still constantly pursuing me even though I unintentionally put Him on mute. The community He has gifted me this year doesn’t take “I’m fine” as good enough answer for “How are you?” and allowed me to word vomit all these things that I didn’t know were holding me back from being ‘all in’ in Chiang Mai.
I learned a lot in Chiang Mai but I also recognized that I am still learning. I recognized the way I was grieving through all the changes was by wishing the days away, placing my happiness in the next destination, which is not “asking the Lord” at all- its actually the exact opposite. I wasn’t living with intentionality, I was waiting for what I viewed as the next best thing and contradicting what I was intended to be doing in ministry. Humbling myself and opening myself up to Thailand gave me the opportunity to be thankful for this awareness because I have 9 more months to go and want to be mentally, spiritually, and physically where my feet are.
This month was about actually surrendering over myself and letting Him lead. It is something I am still learning but also something I have recognized to be such a crucial part of my relationship with the Lord.
In that, I have packed up all I learned last month along with my big pack and a pillow with me on 2 train rides (totaling about 30 hours), Songthaew rides to the Thailand/Malaysian Border, walking across the border, another train ride, a ferry ride, and an uber, placing me in Penang, Malaysia!! Update coming soon to inform you all about what Month 3 looks like. As always, I am beyond grateful for your support in reading and keeping up with my journey.
