So I’ve started this trend of honesty and honestly… it sucks. It sucks because I have been dishonest with myself for a long time.
Do you ever hear God’s voice so clearly you know if you do otherwise it wouldn’t be good? Sometimes his voice appears as a thought that is different from your usual thinking pattern, something biblical, then there are times where it appears to you as a strong conviction where your innermost soul is shaken.
This week I was convicted and I acted. I saw how my actions were hurting others so I confessed and did as I felt God tell me to do. It was the last thing I wanted to do, as I knew it would not be a pleasant process but if I said no in this I knew I was saying no to God.
It’s never, ever, ever easy being vulnerable and honest with someone, at least for me. It’s even harder when you are hurting them in the process.
It’d be so much easier to leave it be and just forget about what God said but I just can’t do that.
It’s not as easy as ripping off a bandaid either. It’s like peeling off a scab to let the wound re-open and air out to fully heal.
This time, the process included ripping my heart out and laying it at the foot of the cross, a motion I’ve become more and more familiar with on my journey. It wasn’t fun, it wasn’t easy, it was messy and it really hurt…hurt both parties.
But there is hope. If God told me to do something and I obeyed then I am following his direction for my life. That will not go unnoticed by him. I know that through the pain and doubts God has a plan for me, a plan to prosper, a plan that leads me beside streams of living water. Though the now is filled with pain, regret, a sorrowful heart and wishful thinking, I know the future holds something amazing, God breathed.
Following God only hurts when you realize you have been in the wrong and your eyes are opened to the truth. But after that realization comes peace, hope and joy. You become lighter as if a weight has been lifted. Life becomes brighter as if you had been in the dark.
It’s going through the work, the trenches, the act of dying to self that causes the pain, the battle of flesh vs. spirit. God then comes and wraps you up in his arms saying, “well done good and faithful servant.”
