This blog is heavy.
I feel like I've stepped into new skin.
About a week ago my walls went right back up. I woke up and had emotionally checked out. I was done with community and with the anxiousness and the responsibility of having to seek after God. I was having an internal temper tantrum.
Then in the middle of a Romanian McDonalds, while my team and I were having feedback, God whispered:
"Tear 'em down. Tear down the walls. Please." And so I did. Grudgingly I did. But I did. And my team caught me with gentle hands. They let me have my time.
And it was like all of the Spirit within me was crying out to the Spirit that is Him and for days…for days He whispered and guided and led me through foreign waters.
Mainly oceans of lies. Oceans and oceans of lies that I thought to be true. And they were heavy to push through and they were murky and dirty and dishonoring and I didn't want them anymore. So He took them from me. He placed me on a vessel, hoisted the anchor and we set sail onto new waters leaving the old waters to evaporate and become desolate.
God placed me in the clear fresh waters of Truth. Waves of love and gratitude swallowing me whole and all I can do is giggle and dwell in the waters of my Creator…
Big People have Big Problems. But when Big People are believing Big Lies they are incapable of achieving Big Things. That's when the Big God comes in and places Big Truths into the hearts of Big People.
I am Big People. And it has nothing to do with my figure, no. But it has everything to do with my potential in Christ. God has been trying to tell me all my life that He has Big Things for me. And I've denied it. Swept it under the rug. Became satisfied in the bare minimum.
God has given me a wake up call this week. I am ready to step into those Big Things. I'm terrified…but ready.
"I don't want to ride on somebody else's passion
I don't want to find that I'm just dry bones
I want to burn with unquenchable fire
Deep down inside see it coming alive
Help me find my own flame
Help me find my own fire
I want the real thing
I want Your burning desire"
– Will Reagan & United Pursuit
