What are you fighting for???
In the middle of last month, I was laying in my bunk bed in Cambodia getting ready to take a nap because our ministry had been cancelled for the afternoon due to rain. I was exhausted that day, so it was a blessing and I decided I would lay down the second we got back. I thought I would just shut my eyes and fall asleep that very second, but God had different plans for me, as usual!! I lay down and closed my eyes only to have a clear and present conversation with the Lord. It was as if He were sitting on the bed with me speaking as loudly and clearly as anyone else in the room.
For the past few years, I have started off in January with a 21 day fast. It started out as something I did with my church one year because I was in desperate need and determination of hearing from the Lord. In doing so, I grew closer in intimacy than ever before and realized He had spoken to me more in those 21 days than I had allowed Him in the past few years. I was reading a book about fasting a few months later that spoke of this same 21 day fast taking place in January and how it sets the tone for your entire year. It can change the very course of your walk with the Lord through your actions, choices and experiences throughout the year. I made a vow that it would be something that I continued doing at the beginning of every year throughout my lifetime.
I had continued doing this the past few years, but this year leaving for the world race was a little different story. I had no idea what this trip might look like and if it might be better for my health to just hold off until the following year and not worry about it.
Hmm kind of sounds like to me that I had taken things into my own hands and didn’t even acknowledge the fact that these fasts belong to God and that He takes care of me during these times, huh?
But I had made the decision to not go forward with it this year and move on with things: except I never really moved on.
From January on, something felt like it was missing and I was always talking about how important that time was to me with the girls on my team. It was month four and it was STILL on my mind. I was never settled about it and I felt like I was missing something all the time, sort of like l was walking around without my shoes on all the time or something. I would talk about it and think about it but out of convenience and wanting to eat new foods and try new things with my team, I would continue to put it on the back burner of my mind and not think about it.
But the day that I went to lay down for a nap, God was like “Hello Ricki Joy, we kind of need to talk.” So, I was like “oh whoa ok, what is going on?” I was kind of blown away by the clear cut conversation that was taking place. He said, “remember that fast that you usually do in January? Well, did you think that I would take care of your body differently in American than I would in any other country?” And I was like “oh whoa ok oops!” So it was kind of a slap in the face but I definitely needed it. He went on to say “there is a lot I have to tell you and we have a lot of great conversations during that time every year and I still have a lot I need to reveal to you.” Needless to say, He had my attention and I was listening like never before. I think that was all I needed to hear! He really needs to talk to me and that I have been pretty much insulting Him by not trusting Him enough to take just as good of care for me outside of the U.S. as in the U.S.
I was like “well, I will do the fast, I’m still not sure when I’ll start but I’m going to go ahead and take a nap and then, I will wake up and try to continue this conversation.”Funny thought, huh?? Me putting off a conversation with God so I could take a nap after He just slapped me in the face with a reality check that I definitely needed. Yep, that just happened.
So, I decided to open the book I was reading and read over a few pages before falling asleep because it had been about a month since I had opened the book and I wanted to finish it. The first page I opened it to in bold and size one million font stated these words…”A BOWL OF RICE IS NO SUBSTITUTE FOR THE HOLY SPIRIT.” At this point, all I could do was laugh a little at how hilarious God is. “Ok, ok, ok God I get it!” I sat up, got out of bed immediately and declared the fast to God in my journal starting the very next day for 21 days.
I would be fasting to hear from Him and hear all of what He needed to tell me. I would also be fasting to fight for the women of Thailand. We were headed there in just one short week and my heart was breaking in a million pieces for the women already and I wanted nothing more but to go to battle for them. I would be preparing for battle and readying myself to love on these women in the upcoming weeks and to fight for them like there was no tomorrow. After I had made this decision, I knew I should probably inform my beautiful and amazing team leader, Michelle, and explain to her what had just happened. She said that God had already revealed to her that I would still be going forward with this fast in the upcoming months and that she was really just waiting on the right time when I was going to tell her. She asked if she could pray over me and we spent some time right there in prayer. During her powerful prayer (because her prayers are always powerful) she stated from Psalms 2:8 “Ask of me, and I will make the nations your inheritance, the ends of the earth your possession. ” She said “God, you tell us to ask for the nations and Ricki has a heart and passion for Thailand and I am asking you right now in Jesus name that you give her the nation of Thailand. She is fighting for this place and you have already shown it to her so, I am just asking that you give it to her now and speak to her, in Jesus name.”
I kept asking, “Why me God? What is it that you need me to see? I am here looking, waiting, watching and listening. Tell me what it is. Show me what you need me to see and tell my team. I have no clue what that could be or what it might look like but I know I am not just here for fun, but that You also have a great plan in everything you do.”
What could I do? I even thought about writing them all letters and handing them to them in the streets telling them how much they were loved and how worthy and beautiful they were. That was quickly shot down by the lies I was believing of them never being able to read English, and therefore, rendering the whole thing pointless.
My heart was in constant turmoil during that section of the trip and I knew I would never be the same after seeing what I saw night after night. I would have to come back here to this specific place but when and how? I was sure the world race was sending teams to Bangkok and not Phu Ket, so how long would I wait for the training to be back and actually set into action for these women? I left with the images of those women engraved on my heart.
So now, here I was in Cambodia getting ready to travel back into Thailand exactly one year later- ready to fight for these women. Whatever happened last year, I’m still not sure but I knew it had lit a fire under my ass for these people and I would never be the same again. They were on my radar and I would be like a sponge learning everything I could to help them in any way possible this time around. I had a year to dwell and pray about those images and my heart was more than ready for them.
I started the fast Monday April 19, 2010 for these women and for the voice of the Lord. I spent a lot of extra time in prayer watching sermons and reading His word. I was starting to receive little tiny visions that really did not link together but were definitely images of what our future might look like in Thailand. I did not pay a lot of attention to them at the time because I did not have the big picture to go along with them yet, and thought it was something I would discuss with Michelle after the month started about ways to debrief for the month and bring all the girls closer together as a squad rather than small individual teams.
We took a bus into Bangkok, Thailand a week after starting for a small debrief with the entire squad before moving into our new ministry. It was great to finally see everyone again and catch up but I had heard that we might not all be working with these women during the month and that I might have to let that go. I struggled with it for about 2.5 seconds before I realized I had no right to have expectations on God’s plans for me and that I would have to hand the idea of my own expectations over to Him immediately. I had let him know that no matter where He sent me that my dedication to these women would never change. I was in the middle of a fast for the women and I would continue to dedicate a piece of my ministry no matter where I was to praying for them and this country.
The same day, Michelle said she wanted to talk to me- and when she is withholding information, you can tell because she is bursting at the seams to tell you lol!! It’s probably one of the funniest and cutest things I’ve ever seen.
Instead of telling me anything at first, she asked me what I was hearing from God on the fast. I told her I hadn’t made any conclusions yet, I knew there were little things I kept envisioning but I had not heard anything specific yet. She proceeded to say that she would be continuing to ask me and that she wanted to know what God was telling me. I challenged her to continue in that because it would help remind me to dig in and listen even harder. She was still bursting though and I could tell she had more to say but she did well holding it all in.
We left for a squad worship session right after and it really challenged me to dig and listen to him even more during that time. As I was praying and worshipping, I had my eyes closed and I got this vision of myself walking with a black backpack over my left shoulder with a huge smile on my face and I heard God say…”you did not have to ask me for Thailand again silly, I gave it to you a year ago. You have been carrying it around with you all along.” All I could do was laugh and praise Him. How beautiful is our awesome God. He is so intricate in detail and overwhelming in his intense ways of expressing his love. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!
Later that night, Liz, our squad leader told me she needed me to meet with her the next morning. I had heard that she was meeting with a few other people as well, and I wondered what it could be about. I spent some time in prayer and Michelle prayed for me in excitement knowing what it was already, but still not spilling the beans lol!!
The next morning I walked over to meet with everyone and the leadership had felt led to call four point people for the month because of the way our teams were going to be broken up. There were going to be three groups of women’s teams and all of the men would be together in one big team somewhere. There were three girls appointed and one guy. Right then and there I just giggled a little with God.
Really God really?? This is what you had been preparing me for??I began to understand it all now.
I would be helping guide the teams going to the same location as me and helping them throughout the month alongside their team leaders. Liz was also coming with our team and she named off all of the other girls we would be working with. By this point, I knew we would be working in the bars but I wasn’t sure where we’d be sent.
Sure enough it was Patong Beach in Phu Ket, Thailand. The same exact place, with the same exact streets that God had totally wrecked me and broken my heart for in the previous year. Wow God. I was overwhelmed with tears and love for how God truly works in our lives every step of the way. We would be working alongside a ministry called SHE ministry and I couldn’t have been more excited. I think I went directly back to my room and spent some time in prayer.
No wonder God challenged me in Cambodia. No wonder He had to actually come down to me, face to face, and challenge me to obedience. He had written this part of the world race in my story but I was no better for the position than any of the other beautiful and amazing women of God here with me on this trip so, He had to make sure I was willing to step up in obedience to what He had called me to before giving it to me.
I am still going to him daily. I am still fighting for these women along with my teammates here. I am pouring my heart out to them daily and asking them to do the same. I pray for our army of one here. I pray that we are a team that cannot be broken, a team of strong, bold and confident women of God who know who they are and what they stand for through the beautiful eyes of their Father and Creator.
Tomorrow is the last and final day of my fast. I can eat again on my dad’s birthday. It might not be with him but I am on the other side of the world celebrating for sure. God has been speaking to me like crazy and doing ridiculous amounts of work and transformation in me in the past 21 days. He is still revealing things to me in bits and pieces and I am going with the flow. Rolling with him and patiently awaiting every puzzle piece He is willing to trust me with at the time.
What an intimate and beautiful bonding time I have been thankfully able to experience with Him through this obedience. I am honored and privileged to be a servant of the most fabulous God you could ever imagine. My God is more than enough and I will work all the days of my life to bring glory to his holy kingdom!
That’s what I’m fighting for.
