Yesterday, I was sitting at Starbuck’s checking my email and trying to post a blog. I had been sick the week before so, I wanted to get a bunch of stuff done. I had been trying to post that one blog for about two weeks now and needed to get everything done so, I could focus and finally get it posted.
I had sent all my emails and signed out of everything to focus on the blog and the blog alone. I was starting to read it over one last time and God told me to sign back into my email and email a specific person. It was pretty frustrating to be honest and I tried to ignore it because I wanted to get my blog finished. I even tried to tell myself I was just homesick and that it was not really God telling me to do it. I tried to go on with my selfish ways and post the blog but God said, “I told you that you are going to sign back into your email and email this person. I’m going to tell you exactly what to say.” I made myself do it thinking what a big hassle it was and just tried to hurry. I signed back in and wrote the one line that God was telling me to write. It said, “Hey. How are you? God has laid you upon my heart and I just wanted you to know that you are loved, cared for and being prayed for right now. Ricki.” Great email, huh?
I signed back off and continued on with my blog. Except at this point, I could not even focus on the blog because my hands were shaking so badly that I could not type and my stomach was hurting like I was going to vomit. You know, like that feel when you know something really really bad just happened or when someone gives you some earth shattering news, that kind of stomach ache. I had no clue why this had suddenly come over me. I was like wait a minute, what did that email just say that I sent? “God, what did you just have me say?” I thought about it for a second and I was like wait, that does not sound right. Why would someone just need to hear that one line only. Something is wrong. I have never felt this sick without knowing something before and that one line is now haunting me. God then said, “well, I’ve been trying to talk to you. If you would just stop worrying about yourself and get over the blog, I will tell you what is wrong.” I still felt like this person was doing great and maybe it was just me worrying or feeling homesick for anything home related but I went forward anyways. Sounds like I second guess God a little too much sometimes lol.
I signed into Facebook to check and see if maybe there Facebook seemed abnormal because it was 2 a.m. in the morning at home and it just was not an appropriate time to make a phone call. I signed in and went straight to their page to find that there really was something wrong. Every wall post was saying how sorry they were for them and that they were praying for their family. One even said, they had read the obituary and how sorry they were. I was absolutely floored. I am pretty sure if I was not in a public place I may have fallen out of my chair and into the floor. “Holy crap, God? Are you serious? You just straight up told me that someone back home needed to hear from me because something really bad had happened with their family.”
I guess I am still shocked that He is speaking to me so loud and clear sometimes. I mean really? If you don’t believe God is speaking, have a conversation with me about right now. I am still shocked but thankful that He chose to tell me because otherwise I would have never known. This is not a friend who lives in my town and none of my friends or family would have ever known to relay the message.
I still did not know who it actually was that passed away but it seemed like someone real close and I was really sick and shocked at this point. I was like, “now what God? You told me but what do you want me to do with it.” He was like “well, let me tell you who it is first and what happened.” He said,” it’s his dad so, search the obituaries and look for his name” and I did. I looked it up and sure enough there it was. I definitely lost it at this point. I was sick and my eyes just swelled with tears. My heart was completely broken for this good friend of mine.
We have been friends for fifteen years and their dad was an absolutely amazing person. They were best friends. He was a dad, a brother, a best friend, a provider, etc. He just seemed to have always played every part exactly right. He was awesome and I knew their relationship was just as meaningful as my relationship with my mom. My heart shattered just thinking about it and I decided to call my mom. She said I will just drive up there right now in place of you and I told her it would not change anything and was not really necessary. I just needed to talk to someone. I wondered why God chose to tell me and what my part was. My mom said, “Ricki, God is asking you to be the friend you’ve always been here. You’ve been doing it for fifteen years so, just keep loving them like you always have and let them know that.” She was exactly right so, I just sat and waited.
I read on to find out that the funeral was yesterday morning and God wanted me to know even down to the day. He did not want the funeral to take place without me knowing and He told me I should stay back from ministry and pray for them. I had missed a few days of ministry last week from illness so, I still wanted to go out for an hour to be a part of the plans we had made for that night and then, come back and pray the rest of the time.
God told me to call. I waited until morning time at home and made the phone call. I prayed that God just use me to speak for Him and say whatever it was He needed and then, dialed the number. When they answered I said, “Hey, I just called to tell you I love you, that’s all.” He didn’t have me ask what happened or say everything you usually say when someone has passed away because none of that really matters at the time anyway. He said, “tell them you love them, period.” So, I did just that and I said I would be covering the funeral in prayer all evening. End of story.
I hung up the phone and sobbed. Their voice was shattered and it broke my heart even more to think what they must be going through. I spent some time in prayer before trying to go out for ministry. For the first time, I felt out of place out there. I felt like the girls were not even interested and my stomach was killing me more and more with every step that I took. I went back to the Starbuck’s to pray for a few minutes to get my head on straight and go back out again but the more I prayed the more my stomach hurt. God finally said, “Ricki stop trying to do what you want. I asked you to stay back and pray the whole time not half the time.” It was the only thing that felt right so, I stayed back and prayed.
I felt like a zombie, like God had sent me home and my physical body was just present somewhere different. Nothing felt right other than staying back to pray and supporting my friend.
There is power in prayer. My stomach has continued to hurt. I have wondered if God spoke to me that clearly before, if my stomach is also hurting at the times when I need to pray for them harder. I don’t know but it has come and gone ever since and I am continuing to support the family in prayer. I know my words and prayers are no better than the next person’s but it is something He has called me to do and I am now obeying.
God is speaking, we just have to be willing to listen and obey. I am learning to not question when He speaks to me and to just act. He is obviously guiding me and using me when He needs me but I just have to stop focusing on what I want to do and drop everything when He speaks. He is definitely blowing my mind and showing me just how big He is. If you want to hear His voice, just clear your ears, open your heart and be willing to obey Him. He will speak to you. He is a mighty God and He can do HUGE things. We just have to be willing to trust Him and choose His way and not our own. It’s the best way anyways, right?
