And there she was.
I spotted her through the window as soon as we pulled up from our dingy (and slightly bumpy) seven hour bus ride.
Smiling sweetly, her arms clung onto her water bottle and she was dressed in a sort of teal punjabi that effortlessly showed off the radiance that she naturally carries.
Her name is Carrie.
And once you get to know her, it’d be hard to ever forget her.
Carrie is different.
She has a spirit of reckless abandonment about her, but not out of a selfish rebellion, but out of an obedient rebellion for the Almighty, and this recklessness shines through the passionate love that she has for what she does. She is not only a daughter, but she is a mother. At only the age of 20, she left her home in Tennessee for India to serve at Sarah’s Covenant Homes, a home for abandoned children who have physical and developmental abilities. She left all that she had to pursue a richer life in sight of the Kingdom, to pursue the children of the Kingdom, and to love them genuinely, purely, joyfully. She left home to become a foster mom to six little girls with special needs, and the love that she has for her girls and for children with disabilities is, for me, a reflection of Jesus.
And for someone of her age to make the decision to move across the world, thousands of miles away from home, to love on these children? I can’t help but to sit at her feet and listen to her stories, ask her all my questions, soak in everything and anything that she has to say, even if it goes on for hours- I don’t mind.
This girl is glowing, I thought to myself.
And I want in on this glow.
I look up to her, and I admire every part of her passion for Jesus and for the orphans of Ongole, India.
Photo taken from Carrie
Our last days spent in Nepal had me bright eyed just thinking about coming to India. To be quite frank, I had already formulated a bucket full of expectations as soon as I had found out that my team was going to be serving at Sarah’s Covenant Homes. I mean, who wouldn’t!? We were coming to love on orphans.
ORPHANS! And if you didn’t already know, children are my jam.
I had also been praying for the opportunity to work with children who have disabilities.
And this was it.
This was God’s gift to me, and I was ready.
Or at least… I thought I was.
An ongoing pattern that seems to repeat itself on the World Race so far is this: Do not formulate expectations.
And if you do, expect only ONE thing.
Expect to be challenged.
Coming into Sarah’s Covenant Homes for the first time did two polar opposite numbers to me: it broke me, and it filled me. It broke me to learn about how these children are considered to be the untouchables within their society. It broke me to see them. It broke me to imagine their families abandoning them. It broke me to learn some of their stories. It broke me to currently see them without forever homes. It broke me to realize that I could only do so much, yet it filled me to know that God is enough. It filled me to see their smiling faces. It filled me to hear them laugh so loudly, despite the unimaginable things that they had gone through. It filled me to have them excitedly run up to us and hug us tightly, saliva dripping and all. It filled me to know that as long as we love them with the love of Jesus’, His love is here to stay even when we leave. It filled me to know that these are His children. It filled me to see them through the Father’s eyes, and to know that they have a special place in His kingdom.
I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that it was easy for me to dive into ministry from the get go, because it wasn’t. I needed a lot of time to process everything, and it was hard for me at first to fully surrender myself. To fully enter into what God had in store, what God had already written.
And one morning, He showed me this verse:
“So we see that they were unable to enter because of their unbelief.” Hebrews 3:19
Such a short, simple verse resonated so vibrantly in my heart in the following days, and it even kept me up at night. If I am going to enter into what the LORD has for me here, then I need to eliminate any doubts and any fears within my flesh. I need to believe in the redeeming love of Jesus. I need to believe in the glory of God. I need to believe in the glory of God being revealed even out of chaos. I need to believe in these children. I need to believe that these are His children. I need to believe that they are all fully capable despite their disabilities, and I need to believe in miracles. I realized that once I surrender and genuinely, purely step into these truths, then I will enter.
Enter into the kingdom that He has already placed here.
Enter into love that He has already prepared for me to give.
Enter into the grace that I need to receive.
Enter into the platform where He is the potter, and I am the clay.
Enter into a childlike heart, ready to learn so much more from these children than I could ever offer to them.
And still, I don’t know how to perfectly describe to you exactly how my heart was behaving, but I can do one thing.
I can share with you a poem that I wrote in my personal journal the day that I decided to finally break free.
The day that I decided to finally enter.
It was the most exhausted I had ever been in attempting to write.
But one thing is for sure, it was the greatest kind of exhaustion.
And I wouldn’t have traded it for the world.
Sunday, August 10, 2014 – 10:36PM
“Their shouts, their smiles, their fearless spirits
I laughed and I danced in their presence
Because in the Almighty’s presence
They are perfect, they are free, there is no disability
And they remind me what joy was always meant to be.
The floors were scattered with puddles of color
Their ears were drawn to our stories being told
Their love was genuine and freely handed out
This indescribable moment shook away any color of doubt.
Doubt in my Maker, doubt in His children
Doubt in my purpose, doubt in His will
I would not know how to perfectly describe how I feel.
But for once, I know what they teach me
What they teach me is real
And never have I gone this way
Nor have I ever felt the way that I do
But when they smile and laugh loudly in my ears
What they give me is true.
They give me their trust, they give me their smiles
Though rotten teeth shine, the glow of their radiating spirits linger for more than a while
It resonates louder than a mouth of pearly whites
More than a student who always gets everything right
More than the blooming gardens on a rainy day
More than the shadows casted out by rays
Their mouths of rotten teeth, their eyes that cannot see
Their hands that often shake, their hearts are running free
And not for me
But for the gift of presence
And not of my own
But of the One who fills us up
Like He did this day.”
All I know is that I turned over to my side after writing that night,
I closed my eyes with the biggest smile on my face, and I thought to myself,
“This is exactly where I need to be.”
With all my love and joy,
Richelle
