Let me just say, it saddens me when I hear men and women talk about pursuing and committing to the opposite sex. I listen to the things that people say and I can tell that culture has more authority in their lives than Christ does. This is so sad but an obvious reality. We have become a people/generation that in order for a man to relentlessly pursue her and for a woman to make an unwavering commitment to him, his or her "list"must be fulfilled. I've heard it all from; "he has to be a man that opens my car door" TO "make sure you look at her mama because that'll tell you how she will look when she's older." Lets be real, at the end of the day that is just despicable nonsense!
What will the fulfillment of your list do for you? And what will you do when that list you wrote, he or she can no longer fulfill or live up to?
A man once came to a pastor and said "oh I want to marry her because she's beautiful, because she talks to me how I like to be talked to, because she hears everything i say, because she takes care of my needs." The pastor replied "so you want to marry her to fulfill your carnal desires." He screamed NO that's not what I'm saying, then the pastor replied that's exactly what you just said.
Listen to me my friend, what are you gonna do when he or she can't talk to you anymore? What are you gonna do when someone more beautiful comes along because they will? What are you gonna do when he or she can't hear? What are you gonna do when he or she can't fulfill your needs? Are you gonna abort or create another list? Surely it is the list that makes a marriage succeed or fail.
You know I myself cant deny the fact that for more than half of my life this is the way I thought. This was the way I thought as an unregenerate man who hated the things of God. Who saw the beauty of what culture had to offer greater and richer than the beauty of what Christ had to offer. Every girl I dated had to meet a certain qualification and fulfill a list and when that list wasn't being fulfilled I bickered, I argued, i was tired of her, I quarreled because my fleshly passions were not being met.
James 3:4 1 What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? 2 You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.
It is easy to see the pursuit of a woman and marriage as the fulfilling of my desires. Her beauty, Her body, her interaction with me, our conversations, her knowledge etc. But I've learned that the greatest reason for marriage is to glorify God and to conform us into the image of his son. In the sovereign purpose of God a man is called to love as Christ loved and how did Christ love? He loved the loveless! In marriage, I am to give myself away to her, everything! This isn't about a fulfillment of desires it is about a calling. An irrevocable calling! (P. Washer)
It's not about my needs, desires, how happy I am. It is a divine decree a command lay down my life and die for the benefit of his daughter. We labor, the sweat of our brow this is about following Christ to the cross for her. If she is beautiful wonderful, if she is not it doesn't matter. I am not going anywhere because I'm under order by the Lord i fear. (P.washer)
If only we would adopt the mindset and heart that a list belongs in the trash because at the end of the day our perfect one awaits us in eternity he or she isn't on this earth. And our BEST LIFE is not now, its ETERNITY. Also, whatever happened to a women being esteemed because she fears the lord and she honors him above all? Oh is that not the crown of mans head?
Proverbs 12:4 An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.
Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Your list is superficial! Christ and only Christ matters and must be the very center of why you commit to woman or man. Also, I challenge you not to be one who is a child of God and you leisurely date with no intention of marrying him or her. I've learned that is dangerous and out of the will of God. We don't test drive people as though they were cars. CHRIST doesn't test drive us, he chooses us, commits to us and he works on our behalf to conform us to his image and it's the greatest love story ever written.
So I guess at the end of the day is let not a list dictate the pursuit and commitment to him or her but rather hear the voice of the lord, seek his face, lay before him, see what his word says and do likewise.
Also if you are afraid that if the man or woman doesn't meet your list, trust me my beloved brothers and sisters if God has called you to commit to that person they will be beautiful and set apart to you!
I love all and I hope this will benefit you 🙂
Oh yea, no I am not married but I don't have to be married to know what God says about marriage:)
Love
