Each night I feel like something is missing. My arms feel empty and I have a longing for the kids I see each day. I have the biggest desire to hold the children when I’m not with them because our time together wasn’t long enough.
Every night I come home with a yearning to be back where we started the day, holding Asher and squeezing him with all my love.
I want to be in Grace Orange Room holding Amy as we listen to music or rubbing Rhoda’s back as she lays her head on my lap.
I don’t ever want to leave ministry because I know those kids can’t come home with me.
When other kids threaten the ones I am with, I get defensive and protect my children.
I want to make sure my kids are comfortable and taken care of.
Above all, I want these kids to be mine.
I’ve never had such a strong desire to be a mother as I do when I’m with Asher, Amy, Rhoda, Jasmine, Nolan, and Dinah.
In short, this month has been difficult.
I play with kids, help them learn to walk or stand, try to defeat bad habits, and then I leave. I’ve grown so attached to the lives I see everyday.
As the days I have left here dwindle, I can’t help but think of the children I leave behind. I can’t help but wonder what will happen to them. How many more people will pass through their lives and still leave them?
It breaks my heart to leave.
The other day I sat with Asher on the roof. It was just the two of us. His head rested on me as I prayed over him. I couldn’t help but cry. I couldn’t help but think I was leaving my son.
The World Race has turned me into a mother.
