So, I wanted to do it for a while. Back in July I got caught up researching women who shaved their heads, watching video after video on youtube, and they had so much to say. I strongly felt that the experience was for me. It was mentioned that you cannot “hide behind your hair,” your face is just out there, and that you will be super exposed, and it can lead to being more present in your life. I don’t know about all that, but I wanted the experience.
I shaved my head on December 22nd so its been about 3 weeks. It was ridiculously hot in Bolivia, so it seemed like a good time.
I have to admit, my life is different! It’s only a haircut, but it’s been a little impactful.
I have mostly been more peaceful, not exactly sure why. There was a little nervousness about appearance, to be expected. But its growing fast enough and I am not “bald” anymore.
A more in depth reason as to why I did it, written a week after:
I was blessed with an agreeable appearance, a lovely face and nice hair, decent skin, a pretty smile and eyes. I have never felt like others thought I’m ugly (since childhood anyway). No one has looked at me in a way as to make me feel ugly, really I’ve felt good about the way people look at me. I’ve felt that my appearance has allowed others to judge me in maybe a more positive way that some other people. I know many people do not have this experience, whether because of a deformity, illness, bad acne, for whatever reason they’ve been considered unattractive by society’s standards. I wanted to shave my head to gain an experience of understanding a little bit of what other people have felt, like when being gawked at or disregarded because of appearance. I have before judged others on their appearances, so I wanted to learn an experience that would help me not to judge. Yes, I did this to myself while others did not have control over their appearance, but I believe I am still beautiful despite my hair. I think many of those people love their self also despite society not seeing that beauty. In pretty much all of my pictures my favorite part has been my hair, it’s been a source of attractiveness and even sensuality. I wanted to strip this away to appreciate myself without this iconic sense of beauty. I am more than my hair. Already men do not look at me, and people almost rudely stare at times, an experience I am not used to. I’m pretty much bald, as short as it can be without being hairless. I already feel less sassy, a little more light-hearted like ready to joke around or to be serious but not as whatever prideful sort of feelings I sometimes have. More vulnerable.
Now:
I do not look around to see who’s staring or what expressions they are making but I am smiling as if all is normal because at this point, it is. I look forward to seeing the different lengths since I’ve never seen myself like this before. I do not care if people think this is weird, because frankly, I did what I wanted to, and I am not sorry.
I love the way I can feel the wind, how I never have to “fix” my hair, how awesome showers feel, and how my face feels cleaner. I still shampoo and condition it since I oftentimes use sunscreen on my head and sometimes jojoba oil. It’s nice and soft. I do feel vulnerable but in a good way, like a “don’t take yourself too seriously, and just be yourself” kind of way. I’m the same me, with a different perspective.
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