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On my birthday, my teammate Jaivie was asking me for some wisdom and she said it was good stuff. So I decided to write this up.
25 bits of advice from me after living for 25 years:
- Do not stay in situations (work, relationships, living) that continually bring hurt or disappointment, or unnecessary fear. You are not desperate and you will be stronger for walking away. Create boundaries for toxic people you want to keep in your life. All your resources are limited so don’t use them unwisely.
- Realize that money doesn’t rule your life! Do not make all your decisions with money in mind, but live within your means. Also, avoid debt but do not accept that debt will “ruin your life,” if you have it. ALWAYS PAY YOUR MINIMUM PAYMENTS ON TIME (to keep good credit) and pay more if you can.
- How willing you are to be vulnerable will determine how much you can grow and learn (heal). If you’re willing to risk the discomfort/pain of vulnerability, you’ll be stronger in the end. You deserve to be known so let the right people penetrate your walls. Your story can help others and telling it can help you.
- Be aware that what you find funny may not be funny to others. Think about jokes before you say them, consider your audience. Once you say something distasteful, it’s been said and maybe the joke is better left unsaid.
- Bring trusted people into your decision making, but do not let them make your decisions. Take advice from people you want to be like. Make relationships with people who are where you want to be, and respect their experience.
- Pick your battles wisely. Do not burn bridges when you don’t have to, and be kind to those who have been bad to you. Practice patience and holding your tongue.
- Be careful about what you say ABOUT others. You don’t know who they know, who’s around, sometimes you don’t even know the truth about what you’re spreading or sharing. You don’t know all the experiences they’ve had, or everything they believe. Having sensitivity creates trust and respect where a lack thereof creates distrust and disrespect.
- Do not be on the defense. Understand that there are more than likely different areas of conversation where you’ve been defensive. Do not assume what has not been said. If you’re assuming, you’ll probably be responding from that defensiveness/fearfulness and it’ll affect how deeply you can communicate because that defensiveness is a wall that shuts others down.
- Take care of your body. Eat fresh whenever possible, drink lots of water, limit intake of fried/sugary/overly salty stuff. Walk more, try to get involved with something active each week. Don’t get tattoos you’ll hate later, or that others will more than likely hate.
- Do what scares you. If you don’t want to do something because it terrifies you, do it anyway. Even if you hate it, I promise you’ll learn and grow through it.
- Do not ever become desperate for relationship. I’ve learned that love and lust look very different. Love is unselfish, lust comes from your flesh. If you’re striving to be loved, and starting a relationship from desperation it won’t be satisfying, or healthy. You need to be satisfied without a significant other, not looking for someone to complete you. No person can do that.
- Do not allow yourself to be beaten down by your circumstances. Stay hopeful and positive. If you must be upset, decide when you will move forward with a different attitude, AND DO THAT. Sometimes you may need to be mad, but be ready to choose a different perspective soon.
- Do not avoid the doctor. If you’ve got symptoms, find out right away what’s going on. Your life is too important to be guessing what’s wrong. But think twice about taking medicines. Half of the medicines out there have side effects worse than the cause for taking them. Research your medicines!!
- Shop smart. Read reviews. Keep your receipts for expensive items. READ REVIEWS.
- Take God seriously. Pray. Ask God questions. You were made for more than living for your own happiness and if you are serving God, you can better understand your purpose. Jesus died so you could be free from your sins and receive everlasting life with our Heavenly Father.
- Join a lifegroup (group of people that meet every week in someone’s home) and don’t miss it. Everyone needs consistent and positive friends to encourage them, and show them love, and help you through life’s difficulties. It’s like a family. Lifegroup has changed my life.
- Never drink and drive. You know when you’re over the limit. Don’t do it. You’re better off calling a sober driver. But be responsible. If you don’t already have a driver and know you need your car in the morning, don’t get wasted. It’s that simple. If you want to go out but know you have to drive, maybe just get an espresso coffee and go hang out and not drink. Alcohol isn’t as amazing as you think… the same goes for drugs. It only takes one night to ruin a life.
- Develop skills and hobbies. Something that will improve your life or others lives. Learn a new language, practice a sport, play an instrument, start a garden, learn to sew, learn how to paint, how to build, a new recipe….This will give you new confidence and may just make your life more enjoyable, and you’ll have something fun to do with others.
- Take a vacation. Don’t say you don’t have money for it. Plan for it. Nine times out of ten most people could afford a weekend getaway. Maybe that means limiting other purchases, but you deserve to get away. You need some new scenery every once in a while, and to experience new things. Those memories can fuel you in unexpected ways.
- Ask for what you want. Sometimes you’ll be told no, but it’s going to be fine! But you’d be surprised at some of the yeses you didn’t expect. You miss out even more by not asking. Always just ask. Also being clear about what you want is better than hinting or suggesting which can actually be manipulation, and is less likable than just asking for what you want.
- Know what you want and where you want to go in life. How can you have what you want if you don’t even know what that is? How can you be in your future where you want to be if you haven’t decided where that is? Write it down!! You’re much more likely to be someone you’ll be proud of if you’ve decided who you want to be. But recognize your identity. Know where you are now. And write that down. Take account of your life. If you don’t it’ll slip away. Take responsibility and know your life is what YOU have allowed it to become.
- Practice self control and self discipline. Your reputation is dependent on the promises you keep to others. Your self confidence is dependent on the promises you keep to yourself. Be a person of your word. Be willing to say no. But make practical promises and agreements. Do not overcommit.
- Limit intake of negativity, or things that do not add to your health and happiness. The tv you watch, the music you listen to, the places you go, the people you hang out with, the food and drinks you consume. Get good rest. You are a product of what you put in. This is self-care.
- Put people first. You’ll never regret encouraging someone who needs it. At the end of your life, you’ll never regret putting people before things. Make decisions with thoughts of how they affect others in mind. Volunteer. Adopt. Call your family. People are important.
- Be willing to learn. Hear people out. Apologize. You’ll never know everything and your knowledge will always be limited because of your own experiences and opinions. Don’t judge other people so much. At the root of unhappiness is being critical and discontentment. Making other people and situations “wrong” will never make you a more peaceful person. You’ll be a lot happier if you can let things be, without always deciding your opinion.
