While in El Salvador, we were blessed to be able to visit the kids that we still at the other orphanage and separated from their family at the hogar. It was one of the most heartbreaking days that I’ve experienced on the Race so far.
The first thing I thought when we pulled up to the orphanage was that this is an institution and not a home. The facility was built to house 500-600 kids but they currently had between 30 and 40. The tall grey buildings seemed more daunting than welcoming.
When we got there a few of the girls ran to see our host. One ran and jump-hugged him and broke down sobbing. In that instant my heart broke.
The entire time I was fighting back tears and wondering how God could allow a family to be separated for so long. Going from a loving family to this institution? Where is your justice God? What about the ones responsible for this separation and heartbreak?
I have to trust that God cares and is just.
The more I watched the kids interact with their family the more the injustice of it began to sink in and the more deeply I began to be affected.
Why am I blessed with a family that loves me to bits? What about the kids here that don’t have a hogar to hope to come back to? What about those who call institutions like these home?
In this moment I began to feel the pangs of homesickness and longed to be reunited with my family, even just briefly. To be able to hug them. Cuddle them. Run into their arms.
It occurred to me that heaven will be like this. Reunions. Everlasting and eternal reunions with all those who we’ve ever loved. It will be a beautiful scene beyond my imagination. Running into each other’s arms, hugs, tears of joy, and smiles all around. We won’t ever have to say goodbye again!
God has really been speaking to me that he makes “all things new”. He doesn’t make all new things, he restores that which we already have.
I wanted a broken heart. I prayed for it. I called out to God for it. Now I’m getting it.
He’ll make my heart new. He wants to heal me from my hurts, my sins, and everything that blemishes my heart. He wants to restore it. He wants to restore my relationships and my heart compass. He wants to give me radical heart change.
It’s like when you need to break a bone in order to reset it so it can heal correctly.
My heart was broken when I came into this world (quite literally since I had a hole in my heart, but that’s beside the point), and it healed, but it healed misaligned.
Jesus wants my heart aligned with him- how it was meant to be and function best. However, in order to do this my heart needs to be broken. He hates to see me in pain. He records my tears, but it’s needed. It has to happen for good to come.
When my heart is broken I want to run to any source of comfort but him.
Why am I so resistant to run to the only one who can truly help me, heal me, and comfort me? I want to want to run to him.
I’m messed up and can’t fix it. I mess things up around me. But him? He restores. He heals. He comforts. He’s everything I lack.
When I feel called to something tough, my first reaction is to think of how I can’t because of what I lack. In reality, I have no excuse because whatever I lack, he is. Often when I’m going through how I can’t, the voice of God will cut me off and speak truth.
But I’m not brav—-I AM
But I don’t know how to d—- I DO
But I’m not very good at th— I AM
When I’m not able to do something on my own, it gives God a chance to swoop in. It gives him glory because we’ve done the impossible. Something that was once impossible for me to do on my own has now been accomplished. How’d that happen? There’s only one way- God stepped in.
What might you not being doing out of fear or because you feel inadequate? What if you gave it up to God and let him take it. See what he can do. He’s Redeemer and in the business of restoration!
